


Complicated

by GuineapigQueen



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Talk of Abortion, Teen Pregnancy, Teenage Pregnancy, lgbtq families, talk of dysphoria, talk of nursing, teen parents, trans Craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25837783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: Craig kind of has an image. It's not that he's pretending to be someone else, but he likes to be perceived as aloof, cold and quiet. He's nice to people who truly know him, but he doesn't like to be perceived as soft from the outside. People already think he's kind of weird, and putting up those walls really helps him to keep unwanted people out. His boyfriend sees his sensitive side, his friends do and his family do. The rest of the world gets a cold shoulder, at least until he gets to know someone and decides to let them in.Craig and Tweek figure out an unplanned pregnancy, Craig learns families come in all shapes and sizes. Especially LGBTQ ones.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 59
Kudos: 84





	1. An Image to Maintain

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, people have been saying that I should be more specific with my mpreg fics in regards to trans/cis mpreg. So I decided to write this, a longer, more in depth look at an explicitly trans Craig coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy. This Craig has been inspired by a younger generation of kids who were accepted as trans by their parents and allowed to live as their chosen gender since they were small. Craig has been living as a boy since preschool, I think his mom is progressive enough to allow him that. I also am aware it's really hard to get pregnant if you're on hormones, it can happen but it's very unlikely. This Craig, in my head, took a break from hormones because of some unwanted side effects.  
> This fic is something I took very seriously writing and I know not all trans experiences are the same. Some people would not make the choices Craig makes and that's okay but some do.  
> This fic is in no way kink, or meant to be seen as fetishistic, if you're here for that or are seeing my work through that lens this really isn't the place for you. I based my writing off of a lot of research. I'm not here to fufill someones lactation or pregnancy kink. This is a story I took writing very seriously and my Craig is not here to be someones fetish. 
> 
> With that out of the way, if you like my previous work I hope you'll give this a shot. I enjoyed creating this universe very much :)

This fic has art first by @dusksmote on tumblr [here](https://dusksmote.tumblr.com/post/627958897109565440/commission-for-blesspastacraig-from-her-fanfic), and @vicketch on tumblr [here](https://vicketch.tumblr.com/post/627959813329092608/commission-done-for-blesspastacraig) :) Huge thanks to them :)

Craig kind of has an image. It's not that he's pretending to be someone else, but he likes to be perceived as aloof, cold and quiet. He's nice to people who truly know him, but he doesn't like to be perceived as soft from the outside. People already think he's kind of weird, and putting up those walls really helps him to keep unwanted people out. His boyfriend sees his sensitive side, his friends do and his family do. The rest of the world gets a cold shoulder, at least until he gets to know someone and decides to let them in. 

This helps him navigate high school as a trans guy. He lives in a small town and there's very few other trans people, and he just wants to blend in. It's not that he's insecure in his identity, he's not. It's that he hates being perceived as something he's not. The less people know about him the less people can pick him apart. 

He's lucky in that his parents are endlessly supportive. He's been referred to with male pronouns since before elementary school and entered schooling as a boy. Everyone knew him for who he really is, which has made the transition easier. But once kids got old enough to realise, not everyone was totally supportive. Mostly he just wants people to let him be. 

He has cultivated this aloof image, this cold demeanor for keeping people out. So people don't perceive him as feminine at all, even if he doesn't mind his feminine qualities. He doesn't mind showing them to people he loves in private but he wants strangers to see him a certain way.

It's been working so far, he's kind of seen as an asshole. People don't really mess with him. He mostly gets left alone to do his own things. He likes blending in and not standing out. But now everything has gone so catastrophically wrong. One night of not being as careful as they should have been and Craig's entire being is being challenged. 

He stares down at the positive pregnancy test, feeling a horrible mix of angry, terrified and upset. Why is this happening to him? He's tried so hard to have people see him as a man, only to find himself in this situation. There's no way people will see him how he wants now. He wants to cry, tears sting at the corner of his eyes. He can't have a baby, he's in high school and he's a man. He doesn't care that he technically has the biological ability _to_ get pregnant doesn't mean that he wants to or should. 

He loves his boyfriend, Tweek, the baby's dad, more than anything. But he hadn't really planned on having any children. It was a call he thought he'd make when he got older. Craig doesn't want to be pregnant. Logically he knows that having a baby now is a bad idea, he's going to have to grapple with changes he tried so hard to avoid. He's going to have a baby bump, people will probably misgender him, they'll probably think he's some kind of freak. Not a real man, not everything he's ever wanted to be. 

He should have an abortion. Even though he's not entirely sure he thinks it's what he _should_ do. What people would expect him to do even if the idea makes his hands shake and his stomach turn. This is what people think he should want… what anyone in his position should want. He hates it, but he doesn't know what else to do. 

He figures that's what he needs to do going forward. If he terminates at least he can feel like himself again and nobody will have to know about this little issue. Nobody will see him differently or change their views on him. It should be the easy option, but it's not. Nothing about this feels easy. 

He has a lump in his throat as he pockets the positive test. Knowing that if he wants to go forward he has to tell his mom. He can't get an abortion without her permission, or her money. He can only hope she'll help him and not judge him. That he'll still be her son, no matter what. 

—

Craig sighs as he sips at the water bottle by his bed. He's just come back from the bathroom after puking his guts out. He doesn't really feel much better but he figures water can't hurt. That and his head is throbbing, he just wants to lie down and try to ride it out. 

Pregnancy is miserable, he hasn't gathered up the courage to tell his mom yet so he's just living with the symptoms. He knows he needs to get into gear but he's still deciding if he wants to tell his boyfriend or not. He knows he should, but he's scared that even Tweek will begin to see him differently. 

He's always been very careful with birth control. He never ever wanted to be in this situation. Sometimes Tweek's been a bit lazy but Craig has always reminded him and insisted on the importance. But then they went to a party. They got a bit too drunk and the condom broke. Craig has been paranoid ever since and when he started feeling nauseous he took the test to confirm his worst fear. He thinks Tweek may have even forgotten about it, partly because Craig has been so secretive and has given him no real reason to worry. Craig supposes it's easier not to worry when it's not your body. 

He places down the bottle of water, his stomach feeling a little better after being sick and getting some water into him. He rests a hand on his belly and takes a deep breath. It takes him a second to realize what he's doing. He rips his hand away as if he just touched a hot stove. He can't be thinking that this clump of cells is a baby, certainly not _his_ baby. He needs to maintain his distance or else he'll never be able to go through with a termination. 

He jumps a little as someone knocks on his door. Both surprised and worried to be potentially caught in a vulnerable moment. 

He takes a moment to let his relief sink before giving his affirmative to the knocker. 

"Come in" he says, hoping he sounds nonchalant. 

"It's just me" says his sister, Tricia, as she opens the door.

"What's up?" Craig asks her as she shuts the door and sits down next to him on the bed.

"You smell like puke, it's kinda gross" she says. 

"I threw up" he admits, there's not much point lying to her.

"I know, I heard you. You've been so mopey and miserable this past week… you gonna tell me what's wrong or are you gonna keep lying?" She tells him. 

"I don't know what you mean?" He tries to play dumb.

"Yes you do. You've been either super miserable or sick or something? Did you and Tweek break up?" She presses, genuinely concerned. 

"No, me and Tweek are fine" Craig assures her, she isn't satisfied. 

"Just tell me Craig, I'm worried and I wanna help you" she says, looking at him so earnestly. He doesn't quite know what to do. 

"It's so complicated… I'm kind of scared that you'll judge me" he admits. Telling her means acknowledging it's real. 

"I promise I won't, I know we give each other shit but like… if it's that serious… I just wanna support you" she replies. 

"I'm pregnant" Craig blurts out, staring at the floor and refusing to look her in the eye.

"That's… not what I thought you were going to say but I guess that makes a lot of sense" she says, clearly still processing the information. 

"I'm going to get an abortion, I just haven't told mom yet" his stomach turns at the use of the word. He's going to get one but he can't even say the word, or its synonyms aloud. 

"If you want that I won't judge you" Tricia assures him "have you told Tweek yet?"

"No. I'm not sure if I should" Craig admits, he is ashamed to say that out loud. It's like admitting that maybe their relationship isn't as strong as he thinks it is 

"Why wouldn't you tell him? It's his baby too" she points out.

"I just… I don't want him to see me differently" Craig bites his lip. Not really wanting to open this can of worms, but it's too late now. 

"What do you mean?" She asks, Craig knows he won't get out of explaining his complicated emotions. 

"Well… I don't… I don't want him to think I'm less of a man" Craig says, and that's the core of it really. 

"He wouldn't think that, Craig. He knows who you are and loves you for you" Tricia says in a comforting tone, she moves closer to him and places her hand on top of his. Craig is not used to her being so tender. 

"I'm a guy. Guys don't have babies… women do" he says quietly. He doesn't really believe this to be true, he knows he's a man despite being pregnant _but_ he knows that's the general line in society. 

"I don't think so. Society has moved beyond that. Having a baby, or at least getting pregnant doesn't change who you are. You're Craig, a man and _my brother._ You need to tell him, even if you tell no one else but mom" Tricia tries to explain. It's oddly comforting to know she sees him how he sees himself. He feels a little less trapped knowing that. 

"I just don't want people to see me as a woman, just because my body can have a baby" Craig replies sadly. 

"I know, but you can't let that rule how you live your life. People who love you know you're a man, and nothing will change that" she promises, he hopes she's right. 

"I guess I have to tell him, I'm still finding the courage," Craig sighs. 

"Take your time and do it when the time feels right but know I'm always here for you and you're always gonna be my brother" She says, her voice steady and confident. 

"Thanks, I just… I think I really needed to hear that. I just want people to see me for who I really am" he says, voice wavering with emotion as he pulls her into a hug.

"Look, I will never see you any different. You've been Craig since before I was born, our parents have been letting you be yourself since preschool. I've never known what it's like to not have a big brother, that's who you'll be to me, forever" she tells him, hugging back. 

"Thank you, really… just… I feel so much better telling you" Craig admits, feeling a small wave of relief knowing at least one person supports him.

"That's okay Craig, I love you and I just want to see you be happy" she tells him. 

"I love you too, I want the same for you" Craig promises her as they break apart. She smiles at him, Craig honestly never thought Tricia would be the person to provide that backbone of support. Their relationship is mostly sibling banter, sincere moments are rarer but that makes them all the sweeter. 

"Whatever you decide," Tricia tells him, "I'll always back you up."

Craig knows he has to tell Tweek at least, he just hopes Tweek doesn't see him as a freak, or as a monster for wanting an abortion. 

—


	2. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants to tell Tweek but he can't find the right moment. Things are so good between them he's always so worried that he'll ruin a nice moment. Or the relationship, he's so afraid of losing Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make sure I point out that there is no wrong way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Craig choosing to have an abortion, or to carry the baby are both valid choices. This Craig will make his choice based on what he thinks is right for him, that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone. I am pro choice and always will be :)

This fic has art first by @dusksmote on tumblr [here](https://dusksmote.tumblr.com/post/627958897109565440/commission-for-blesspastacraig-from-her-fanfic), and @viketch on tumblr [here](https://vicketch.tumblr.com/post/627959813329092608/commission-done-for-blesspastacraig) :) Huge thanks to them :)

It's not that Tweek doesn't know about Craig's anatomy or what he was assigned at birth. They're sexually active, he's seen everything and Craig being trans has never been an issue or a secret. He knows Tweek wouldn't see him as a freak because he didn't know Craig was trans. Tweek knows, he's just worried that being pregnant might be a reminder of his difference and that it might unsettle Tweek. It might scare him and cause him to lash out. Craig just wants to feel normal and have his boyfriend treat him as such. Which Tweek does, but he wonders if him being pregnant will cause Tweek to change. 

He wants to tell Tweek but he can't find the right moment. Things are so good between them he's always so worried that he'll ruin a nice moment. Or the relationship, he's so afraid of losing Tweek.

He hasn't been able to find any courage to tell Tweek for weeks. Time has passed, and he's inevitably gained a bit of weight. Not much at all, it's not noticeable to other people but Craig can see it. He's skinny, so any gain is noticeable, whereas Tweek has a bit of chub on his belly, so it may not have been so obvious on him. Tweek is the only person who sees him naked, so Craig's been a little afraid to reveal himself. 

He still has Tweek stay over and they hang out but he's put a little bit of a hold on their sex life. He knows Tweek is missing it but Craig is stuck between feeling too scared for Tweek to see him and feeling too sick to want to do anything. 

Tweek is snuggled up next to him in bed, his stiffy rubbing up against Craig's butt. He kissed Craig's neck suggestively and goes for the waistband of his boxers. Craig moves his hand away, much to Tweek's disappointment. 

"We haven't done anything in _-nnn-_ ages" Tweek says "I miss you."

"I know" Craig sighs, "I'm sorry, I just don't feel like it."

"You haven't felt like it for _-ah-_ weeks, what am I doing wrong?" Tweek asks, sounding worried. 

"Nothing, I just don't feel well" Craig tries to dismiss. 

"Is it because of… well, that you gained a bit of _-nghh-_ weight? I'm not judging you" Tweek awkwardly says.

Craig sucks in a breath, feeling frozen knowing that Tweek has realized. He feels ugly and exposed, wishing he could just curl up and hode. Hoping that this is a nightmare he'll wake up from. He feels tears well in his eyes against his will, hating how vulnerable he is. 

"Hey, don't cry. I'm so sorry I _-gah-_ brought it up. It looks great on you and I'm still super attracted to you… I didn't mean to upset you" Tweek tries to backtrack. 

"It's not… it's not your fault. I'm sorry, it's just… I'm so overwhelmed" Craig says through sobs. 

"What's wrong Craig, whatever it is you can _-hnn-_ tell me?" Tweek says, wrapping his arms around Craig. 

"I've been trying to figure out the best way to tell you… but nothing ever felt right. I guess I'll just say it… I'm pregnant. That's why I've been so weird lately" Craig tries to explain, wiping tears. 

"Wait, what?" Tweek replies, shocked. 

"I'm pregnant, I'm sorry I'm telling you now, like this… I just… I didn't want you thinking of me differently" Craig continues, not knowing how he can put all this into words.

"Shit… I'm… I don't know what to _-nghh-_ do, but I want to be there for you" Tweek says, panicking a little. 

"I was so scared you'd think I'm a freak or you wouldn't see me as a guy" Craig replies forlornly. 

"I'm scared as fuck that you're _-gah-_ pregnant but it's not gonna change my feelings for you. You're my boyfriend and you're a man… pregnant or not" Tweek tries to comfort him. 

"Shit, thank you. I just… this is screwing me up so much in my head" Craig admits, his stomach swirling with nausea 

"I can't even imagine," Tweek says sympathetically. Craig is just glad he isn't mad or disgusted. 

"I think I'm going to get an abortion, if you're okay with that" Craig says, his stomach doing a nauseous flip thinking about the whole thing.

"I mean… I don't want you _-nnn-_ having a baby you don't want" Tweek tells him. Craig can tell he's unsure what he wants, but who would after only just being told something so significant. 

"It's not that I don't want the baby, I just don't think I can handle the looks I'll get pregnant" Craig admits. He doesn't want to be pregnant. If he could have the baby without physically changing so much he would do that. That's what makes him feel so mixed up and sick over this, it's not that he _doesn't_ want the baby. 

"It's your body man, I'll support you" Tweek promises.

"Thank you, I feel so mixed up and guilty about this whole thing" Craig tells him. He's going to feel horrible about terminating his pregnancy but it's what he should do. At least he thinks so. 

"It's scary as fuck… I suppose if you get an _-ah-_ abortion we can just keep being teenagers" Tweek reasons, Craig agrees. Though he doesn't think he'll be the same emotionally ever again. 

"Yeah, I think that's what I want" Craig nods, trying to swallow down the guilt and doubt. 

"I love you, okay" Tweek insists "nothing will change that "

"I love you too" Craig says, cuddling Tweek as close as he can. 

—

Craig can't actually go through with an abortion by law without his mothers permission. He's under eighteen and that requires parental permission in Colorado. He could go to court to try and override this but Craig doesn't think that's worth it. It's difficult but he has to just tell her. He's going to tell his mom because he knows she'll understand better than his dad. His dad tries and has always treated Craig as his son, but he doesn't get everything. Craig thinks he'd probably just be confused. 

He needs her help financially anyway, abortions don't pay for themselves. He's a teenager with no money and honestly, he'd rather have her for support at the clinic if he can. So he knows he has to get his ass into gear and tell her.

He waits until Tricia and his dad are in bed. Craig is supposed to be in bed too but he stays up, knowing she's a night owl and will be the last to go to bed. 

He heads out of bed and downstairs into the living room. His mom is in the kitchen, drying some rogue dishes from dinner. 

"You're supposed to be in bed" she says to him when she notices him.

"I need to talk to you" he says "it can't wait."

"It's that important?" She asks "should I be worried?" 

"I guess" Craig admits "Know that I didn't want this. I didn't do it on purpose and I'm really upset about it."

"What are you talking about?" She presses.

"I'm pregnant" he admits, staring at his shoes, desperately trying not to cry.

"Shit… I'll be honest, I never thought I'd have to worry about this with you" she replies, taken aback. 

"I didn't want this… we were trying to be careful. I'm a guy… I don't want anyone questioning me or my identity" Craig tries to explain, trying to stay calm and logical but it's too hard.

"I know you didn't want this" she replies "as soon as you could talk you were saying that you are a boy. I know this is who you are and that your body doesn't match this. That's okay, but this has happened. What do you want to do?"

"I think I want to end the pregnancy" Craig says, still so full of shame. 

"If that's what you want I'll help you" she says "are you sure?"

"I think so" Craig admits "I don't want everyone knowing and seeing me pregnant."

"I want you to think about this hard" she tells him "you decide what you want based on you. Based on your feelings, your circumstances and what you think you're capable of. If you want to have an abortion that's fine, I just want to make sure you're doing this for you and not because you think thats what others want from you" she tells him. Her voice is serious but concerned. He nods, she's right he's not 100% sure but he thinks this is the path he'll choose. He doesn't know how he's going to get through school. Even if the idea of terminating a pregnancy made from half him and half Tweek hurts his heart. 

"Okay" he says "I'll think it over some more."

"Does Tweek know?" She asks him.

"Yeah, he's kinda shocked but he said that he'll support my decision" Craig explains. 

"I'm glad he's supportive of you but I'm not surprised. I can tell he loves you" she tells him. 

"He's been nice," Craig agrees. He looks at his nails sadly, just feeling so miserable about the situation. 

"If you wanna talk about it more honey, I'm here for you" she says, placing a hand on his arm affectionately. 

"I guess I just wish there was a way I could have a baby without being pregnant. I know it's silly" he sighs. His feelings are so complex and he barely knows how to articulate them 

"It's not silly" she assures him "it's normal to want children, even if you don't feel like your body _should_ be able to have them. It's normal to not want any children either. Both choices are valid" Craig can tell she's trying her best. 

"I feel so guilty" Craig says "but I don't think I'm going to be able to cope with being pregnant."

"That's fine, you can always have children another way or change your mind when you're older… if that's what you want" she says with a small smile.

"I don't know yet, this is making me think maybe I do want biological kids… I just… it's confusing" he admits, biting his lip.

"Well, we can call the clinic for a counseling appointment and you can learn a bit more about your options?" She suggests. 

"I think I wanna do that. It might help me make more decisions" Craig agrees, nodding. More information from a professional can't hurt. 

"Okay, well I'll book an appointment for you. I can sit outside if you want" she says. 

"No, I want you there" Craig says "I need your help."

"Okay" she nods "we'll figure this out. I promise."

"Thank you" Craig says gratefully "I think I just needed some people to remind me that who I am is okay and I don't need to change it." 

"Absolutely" his mom agrees "you're perfect as you are and you'll always be my son. No matter what."

"Do you think it's okay for me to have a baby… like… to carry one and still be a man?" He asks, nervous to hear her answer. 

"Definitely. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot" she tells him "you've always known who you are and really, you're not the only one. Plenty of trans men have carried their own babies.. you can too if you want to."

"Thank you mom" he says again "I'm sorry I got into this mess but you've been more helpful than you can imagine."

"It's okay baby" she says, smiling at him "we'll get through this together." 

—


	3. Informed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig doesn't want to go but he knows he has to. He wants to make an informed decision, he hopes it will help quell some of the turmoil in his heart. He's pushing forward, telling everybody that this is definitely what he wants, when deep down he's not so sure. He hasn't even expressed the doubt to Tweek, he's afraid to express it to anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek have a meeting with a counsellor. There's talk of abortion so err on the side of caution if that's triggering for you.

Craig doesn't want to go but he knows he has to. He wants to make an informed decision, he hopes it will help quell some of the turmoil in his heart. He's pushing forward, telling everybody that this is definitely what he wants, when deep down he's not so sure. He hasn't even expressed the doubt to Tweek, he's afraid to express it to anyone. He's not sure what he's afraid of, afraid someone will talk him out of it? Or maybe afraid of the pain. That he'll miss this little clump of cells when they're gone. He feels stupid for it, he knows they aren't a baby yet but he feels  _ something.  _ He keeps trying to push it down but he just doesn't know. 

He wouldn't judge a friend for wanting to end their pregnancy. If Bebe, or Wendy, or any of his female friends came to him he'd provide support, not judgement. He's by no means against abortion or the right to end a pregnancy thats unwanted or you are unready for. He finds himself questioning his own hesitation as he knows that if a friend was in his situation he'd probably agree that abortion is the way to go. But he can't silence the sentimental part of him that is becoming more and more attached to this baby that isn't a baby yet. 

He hopes this appointment will bring him back to reality and help him detach. He's in too deep emotionally and he doesn't know how to get out. He kind of just wishes this had never happened in the first place and he could just go about his life as normal, never having to make this decision. 

His mom takes both himself and Tweek to the clinic. She offers to sit outside and wait for them while they have the appointment but Craig wants her there. He feels like a scared child again, like a kid needing his mom to hold his hand while he gets shots. He doesn't feel like he's old enough to be entrusted to make such an important decision. 

Tweek is nervous too, or embarrassed, maybe both. Craig would be lying if he was to say he's not embarrassed. It's weird being in a space primarily made for cis women, but where is he supposed to go? There isn't really a clinic especially for trans men in a small town like South Park, Colorado. This is the best he has, and he can feel himself being stared at as they check in at reception. 

The receptionist is professional, Craig is so grateful for that. He has a feeling his mom probably called ahead to explain that he's trans. He's thankful for that too because he's too nervous to do it himself. It reminds him of how  _ not  _ grown up he is. Tweek clutches at his hand nervously while they wait in the lobby, his mom has her head held high but Craig and Tweek can't look anybody else in the eye. Craig just wishes the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He's glad his mom isn't ashamed of him at least. 

He doesn't want to go when they finally call his name. He feels like a dead man walking, but he goes anyway. He needs to do this, he needs to make an informed decision and do right by everyone in his life. He has to get this right. Tweek continues to clutch his hand tightly as they walk into the office. The counsellor offers them a seat, which Craig takes. He's so nervous that he's beginning to feel lightheaded, he's afraid his knees might give. 

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," the counselor says, holding out her hand to shake. Craig takes it hesitantly. "I'm Danielle."

She moves to also shake Tweek's hand and Craig's mom's hand. 

"I'm Craig" he squeaks out pitifully, really not knowing what to say. 

"I'm Tweek" Tweek replies shyly.

"And I'm Laura, Craig's mom" she says "I'm just here for support."

"That's fine, so you're dealing with an unplanned pregnancy?" She asks him, she doesn't even miss a beat. Craig thought he'd have to explain the whole trans thing but she seems to understand. 

"Yes" Craig says "I'm not… I'm trans and I'm… I don't feel right that this is happening to me" Craig struggles to articulate. 

"You're also very young, right?" She asks him.

"Sixteen" Tweek interjects.

"So you're wanting some information today, regarding your options?" Danielle continues asking. 

"Yeah… I think I want an abortion, but I'm not sure…" Craig admits. He struggles to admit it out loud, it feels dirty on his tongue. He knows he  _ shouldn't  _ feel dirty, he isn't doing anything wrong but internalised shame runs deep. 

"Okay, well if you choose to you can have a procedure done here. Do you know your other options?" Danielle asks him, probably to gauge a baseline of what he knows. 

"Adoption and parenting I guess? But that means I'll have to stay pregnant… and give birth… I don't know if I can" Craig replies, cringing a little at the thought.

"Is that because pregnancy is something inherently female to you?" She asks him, no judgement in her voice. She just wants him to make sense of his feelings. Or at least, that's the impression Craig's getting. 

"Yes, I don't want people seeing me as female, or less than male. Tweek says he won't see me different but I don't know… I just want to feel like myself" Craig says, frowning. He trusts Tweek but how can Tweek know. Once Craig's body starts changing Tweek might not be attracted to him any longer. 

"I don't want him to be  _ -nghh-  _ uncomfortable and distressed so, like… I'll support him if he doesn't want to  _ -ah- _ go through with it" Tweek says, adding his perspective. 

"I guess… I just wish I could have a baby without my body having all those changes. That the baby would still be my flesh and blood I just… didn't have to grow them myself.. " Craig replies sadly. And that's the crux of it really. Craig wants to want this baby… he thinks he does want them. But he doesn't want a pregnancy, and he doesn't know how to reconcile the two. 

"This sucks" Tweek says miserably. 

"Do you know how far along you are?" She asks Craig.

"I don't know" Craig admits "I didn't want to go to the doctor in case they made me hear the heartbeat or see the baby."

"That's an understandable fear though for reference that shouldn't happen. There's usually separate appointments for those things" she tries to assure him. 

"Okay, well if I want an abortion, what happens?" Craig asks, unsure if he wants to know the answer. But he knows he needs to be informed. 

"Depends on how far along you are, if you're more than nine weeks pregnant you will probably have to have a surgical abortion. Under that you can have a medical abortion, which is two pills" she explains to him.

Craig gulps. He thinks he probably is over nine weeks by this point. He had hoped maybe he could just take a pill and it'll all be done. It looks like he'll probably have to have the more invasive procedure. 

"I think I'm probably more than nine weeks" he admits, "but I don't know." 

"For a surgical abortion you would have to come into the clinic. You'll need a parent with you, because of your age and you'll need someone else to drive you home. There's sedation options for an extra cost but the doctors here are very sympathetic and will take good care of you" she says. It's a lot of information to take in. Craig balks a little at the idea of an actual  _ procedure.  _ He knows that this is what he wanted but hearing more details of what it'll actually be like is scaring him. 

"And adoption?" He asks, he just wants to be sure.

"I'll give you some pamphlets for all three options, but we can connect you with adoption agencies. Once you've connected you can negotiate the type of adoption you want and meet prospective parents. You, the agency and the parents will negotiate the nature of the adoption and how much contact you and your family can have with the child" she says.

"I guess I'm just scared people will stop seeing me as a man… and what if my kid calls me mom? I don't want that… will I confuse them?" Craig tells her. These concerns have been plaguing him from the start. What would parenthood even look for him?

"I can understand those concerns but know that how you parent your child is up to you, and your partner. If you want to be called dad you can have that, your child will call you what you tell them to… and as for confusion? Plenty of children have LGBT parents" she tells him with a warm smile "Two dads, two moms… sometimes four parents. Kids manage just fine, so I don't think you'll be doing any disservice to your child by being a transgender parent." 

"Thanks" Craig says, he hadn't expected her to be so positive "I want to be a dad… at some point."

"Even if now isn't your time, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful parent someday" she tells him. The support makes him feel a little bit better about the whole thing, more capable. 

"He will, he's still dad to me even if he  _ -gah-  _ births the baby" Tweek assures him. 

"Thanks babe" Craig replies shyly.

"I'll go get some pamphlets for you. You don't need to decide anything today, it's your body and if being pregnant triggers too much dysphoria for you nobody will judge you for wanting to end the pregnancy" she tells him. 

"I agree, if you're distressed you don't have to do anything you don't want" his mom says, speaking up for the first time since the beginning of the appointment. Craig is glad she's supporting him.

"I'll be back in a second with information for you" she says and exits the office. Leaving Craig, Tweek and Laura alone with their thoughts. 

—


	4. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek has to work on the day. Craig tells him to go, he's kinda glad that it will just be him and his mom anyway. He doesn't really want Tweek seeing him all vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major talk of abortion and miscarriage here. Please be cautious and safe :)

Tweek has to work on the day. Craig tells him to go, he's kinda glad that it will just be him and his mom anyway. He doesn't really want Tweek seeing him all vulnerable. Tweek can visit him after the procedure is done and can provide some more comfort. He knows Tweek would be emotional, his mom provides support in a more detached way. That's what he needs right now. Someone whose hand he can hold but she won't get upset over the situation. Tweek doesn't want to go to work, but he takes the hint. He promises Craig he will be there to take care of him as soon as he gets off work. They both know Tweek probably needs the distraction. 

He still has a niggling feeling that he might be doing the wrong thing but he decided to go ahead anyway. He keeps telling himself that this is what he  _ should  _ do. That this is what society expects him to do. His mom is paying, she has given her permission as a parent and is his ride home. He can't flake out on her now. 

He wakes up that morning feeling sick. A different kind of sick than morning sickness. His stomach feels horribly tight and his chest hurts. He feels his heartbeat echoing through his ears and dizziness engulfs him. He knows it's more than morning sickness but he lets his mom write it off as such when he vomits before they leave. 

They're silent on the drive over. Craig is trying not to throw up and his mom keeps looking over at him and biting her lips. Like she has something to say but she can't quite get it out. She wants to comfort him but she doesn't know how. 

She puts an arm around him as they walk through the clinic's doors, that seems to be her way of providing comfort. 

"Baby, you're shaking," she says to him. Craig is struggling so hard to breathe he hadn't even noticed. 

He looks around the clinic, lightheaded and pumped full of adrenaline. He struggles to draw breath, in, out, in, out… he can't quite make it work. He steps back as the world spins… he won't be pregnant by the end of the day. The baby will be gone… his eyes water as he realises that he'll miss them.

He grabs his mom's arm in a panic, trying to steady himself. 

"Craig, you're panicking" his mom says, holding him close "take a breath."

"I can't do this," he says, feeling faint. "I want to go home."

"Okay baby" she says, hugging him "we can go home."

"Get me outta here" he panics "please, I can't breathe."

"Okay" she says, promising to call reception later. 

She leads him outside and helps him back into the car. He barely notices, he feels like he's in a dream. This is happening to someone else, not him. 

She pulls a water bottle from her bag and hands it to him. 

"Drink honey" she says "drink and take a deep breath. We're going home, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"Thank you" he says shakily, grounding himself with the feeling of cold water flowing down his throat. 

"If you want to come back later we can, but if you don't want to go through with it at all that's also okay" she tells him.

Craig takes a deep breath and lets the dust settle.

"I don't know… I thought… I thought I was doing what I should do" he struggles to get out.

"But is it what you wanted?" She asks him.

"I guess not" he says, tears welling in his eyes "I think I might want them mom. The baby I mean, I'm just so scared to stay pregnant."

"I get that" she tells him "you're attached to your baby but you don't want to carry them. You wish they'd just appear in your arms."

"Yes" Craig agrees "yeah that's exactly it. I keep thinking about how I'll miss them when they're gone. I think I'm going to have to do this and just hope that the end product is worth it."

"If that's what you want I'll support you baby" she says "I just want you to be happy."

"You're so nice to me, I don't get it" Craig says, voice wobbling through his emotion and tears. 

"Well, let me tell you something. Something I've really only ever shared with your father" she tells him, a serious look on her face as she meets his eyes.

"What?" Craig asks, confused. 

"When I was a similar age to you, before I met your father and settled down. I got pregnant, to a boyfriend that didn't last and I felt a similar way about that pregnancy" she explains. She looks sad, but keeps her voice steady. 

"I guess that explains why you were so understanding when I told you" Craig says quietly, unsure how to process the story. 

"Yes, well, I felt an attachment to the baby. I wanted the baby but I didn't want to be pregnant. I know it's not the same as the dysphoria you must feel but I felt very torn emotionally" she continues to tell him. 

"I guess it's sort of like that. I am also really worried people will start seeing me as a girl… Not a man who has chosen to have their own baby" Craig agrees sadly. 

"Well, know I don't see you as a female. You've been living as a male since you were a child. You know who you are and so do the people around you" she tries her best to assure him.

"Yeah I guess" Craig agrees "but wait, I'm your oldest kid… what happened to that baby?"

"I had a miscarriage. It was so tough, and to be honest I still get sad about it sometimes now but it helps me to remember that I have your father and you and your sister. I have a lot to be thankful for" she says, her tone bittersweet.

"I didn't realise you had been through that… I'm sorry you had too… I feel bad now, insisting on an abortion" Craig says, he feels sad on her behalf. Not knowing what he would do if that happened to him. 

"Baby, do not feel bad. I am your mother, helping you through this kind of stuff is my job. I love you and I want you to do what's best for you… whatever option that may be" she says, giving him a small smile. He knows she's had time to heal and grow, but he still feels sad for her and what she went through as a teenager.

"Thank you, I just… I'm sorry that you lost your baby" Craig tells her. He doesn't add that he's suddenly feeling like he'd be lost if that happened to him. Fuck, he wants this baby. 

"I just wanted to share my experience with you. I love you and I want you to know I sort of understand how you feel" she tells him, placing her hand on top of his.

"Thank you, I'm so glad you did," Craig says sincerely, "God, I have to tell Tweek now," he says, realising his new reality. 

—

He sends Tweek a text. It's not how he wants to break the news but he doesn't want to get Tweek in trouble at work. He just wants Tweek to know what happened as soon as possible. He just hopes Tweek won't get mad at him for chickening out. 

_ I couldn't go through with it. I'm sorry.  _

Tweek doesn't reply straight away. This could be because he's busy at work and can't check his phone or because he's upset with Craig and doesn't want to reply. Craig hopes it's the former. He feels terrible, but he knows he's done the right thing. He's beginning to see now that he never really wanted an abortion, he just wasn't able to process his emotions or the changes he was going through. He isn't against abortion but for him it wasn't the right choice. He's attached to the baby, even if he hadn't wanted to be. 

Maybe an hour or so later Tweek replies.

_ That's okay, we can talk when my shift is over. I love you. _

Craig sighs with relief, knowing that at least Tweek isn't mad and seems to be respectful of his decision. Craig types his reply quickly. 

_ I love you too. I'm really confused but I feel better not going through with it. _

Tweek replies back fast. 

_ Take care of yourself, talk soon. _

Craig is a little worried to have this talk but he is hopeful Tweek won't leave. He hopes Tweek will eventually come to share his feelings. He knows they aren't exactly ready to be parents but he hopes they can learn. He loves Tweek and he doesn't want to do this without him. If he has to he will, but he'd always rather Tweek by his side. 

Tweek only has a few hours left of his shift. The hours crawl by for Craig, he's nervous and he just wants to get the conversation over with. He frets but Tweek is true to his word and rushes over straight after his shift ends. They sit together on Craig's bed and Tweek wraps his arms around Craig immediately. 

"Are you okay?" He asks Craig. 

"Are  _ you?"  _ Craig responds.

"I'm okay, I'm kinda surprised you  _ -hnn-  _ changed your mind but… I'm okay" Tweek explains "you must be going through an emotional rollercoaster."

"I just… I dunno I had a panic attack or something" Craig tries to explain. 

"Jesus, I hate those," Tweek says sympathetically. Craig has seen Tweek have a few, but Craig hasn't experienced them before now. 

"I freaked and I just wanted to get out. And then when I calmed down I realised that I wanted the baby… I couldn't go through with the termination. I realised I'd miss them" Craig explains. 

"Yeah I… I've been dealing with  _ -ah-  _ similar feelings. I've been so conflicted… thinking I want the baby and I want a family with you… but also knowing you were feeling so  _ -nghh-  _ distressed about being pregnant" Tweek admits "I just wanted to support you, even though I was kinda feeling upset about it."

"I wish you'd have said" Craig says sadly "I would've listened and valued your feelings."

"I don't know what it's like to be you" Tweek explains "I just wanted you to feel better. Because if you don't want to  _ -hnn-  _ carry our kids, I don't want to force you."

"Kids?" Craig asks, surprised by the plural. 

"Well, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself but I always pictured myself  _ -ah-  _ marrying you. Us having a family" Tweek tells him, seriously "Adopted, surrogate, carried by you… whatever. It doesn't  _ -nnn-  _ matter how they get here, I just know I want to have kids with you."

"I want that too. I didn't think we'd start  _ now  _ but I hoped we'd have a family in the future" Craig agrees.

"So I guess we both want this baby?" Tweek asks, testing the waters.

"Yeah, I just… it's gonna be difficult. Me going through pregnancy, I'll need your support" Craig tells him.

"Definitely" Tweek agrees "if you're sure you want to do this then I'll do whatever you  _ -ah-  _ need."

"I love you" Craig tells him, moved by his boyfriend's commitment.

He knew they loved each other but he also knows teenagers can be naive. Part of him was preparing for things to go south but Tweek seems to be on the same page. 

"I love you too" Tweek promises "we're gonna get through this."

They tell Craig's mom their decision that night. But by then she's already realized. She knew Craig was keeping the baby the moment they got back in the car. She tells them that she'll help, but only if they pull their weight.

Today did not go how Craig intended but he feels a lot better about the outcome. Like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders and a pit in his stomach dissolved. 

It's not that he isn't scared. He's absolutely terrified, he's scared of the judgements, the psychological impacts of pregnancy, his body changing, the pain of labor and whether he'll be a bad parent. But he feels so much better knowing he's been true to himself and what he wants. That he's going to do this and he's going to try his absolute best.

—


	5. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig knows he's made the right decision but that doesn't make the experience any easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of dysphoria here. Again, be cautious if you find this triggering. I just want you guys to be safe <3

Craig knows he's made the right decision but that doesn't make the experience any easier. Craig doesn't feel better as the weeks tick along. He's still really nauseous, extremely tired and the hormones seem to have set his migraines off. He googled this, wondering if it was normal and the general consensus seemed to be that pregnancy can improve chronic migraines. But some people also say that it made them worse, so Craig is left just as confused as before. 

He's been reclusive, not hanging out with anyone after school or attending any parties. Mainly because he feels shitty, he stays in bed and really only lets Tweek in. He didn't realise how low his energy was going to be throughout this. He puts all his energy towards school, needing to rest afterwards. 

His friends know something is up. He thinks they've noticed that he's gained some weight but they're too polite to bring it up. He's cut himself off from them and he's been moody and distracted at school. He doesn't think they'd guess that he's pregnant but they definitely know something is going on. Craig knows he can't keep this a secret forever but now he just wants to be left alone. He's not going to tell anyone yet.

He thinks his friends will probably be cool about the whole thing. Clyde will probably ask a lot of questions but he will be well meaning. Token will be quietly understanding and supportive. Jimmy will probably make a shitty pun and move on. But it's everyone else that Craig is really worried about. People who only know him on the surface. People who know that he's trans, and that's about it. 

He's afraid people will pick apart and question his identity. Decide that maybe he isn't serious about transition or that they shouldn't take him seriously. He's scared people will start seeing him as a girl. They might misgender him, maybe accidentally, maybe on purpose. There's some spiteful people in his year who might use this as an excuse to be shitty to him. He already feels mixed up enough without his peers judging him for some kind of freak.

"You're not a freak" Tweek tells him when he voices this to his boyfriend.

"I feel a little like one" he complains, shifting uncomfortably under Tweeks touch. 

Tweek is touching his belly, the small swell that's begun to appear has captured Tweeks imagination and he always wants to touch it. Craig still isn't sure how he really feels about it. He wants Tweek to love and bond with the baby but he's also a little uncomfortable showing Tweek all the changes that have been going on.

"You're not a freak" Tweek reiterates "you're incredible, like a  _ -nghh-  _ seahorse or something."

"That's corny" Craig replies with a small giggle.

"I know" Tweek says with a grin "do you want me to stop  _ -hnn-  _ touching you?" 

"It's okay" Craig concedes, he's starting to get used to the warmth and the soothing touches.

"Okay well if you're feeling too  _ -ah- _ dysphoric you just tell me" Tweek assures him, Craig turns his head to give Tweek a quick peck.

"I'll tell you" he promises "I'm mostly okay. I just have moments where I feel… like I'm not in my body or something. Like it's not me in the mirror and that's kinda scary" he tries to explain.

"I know it's hard but you're  _ -nnn-  _ doing okay" Tweek tells him "I know you've been really unwell."

"Most of the time I can tell myself that this is happening because of the baby and that's okay. But I think sometimes I just get a bit overwhelmed. I know I'm a guy but I worry about people at school thinking I'm a girl" he explains, placing his own hand on top of Tweek's on his belly. 

"Yeah well I guess it never is gonna go away completely. Just know I'll  _ -nghh- _ punch anyone who misgenders you" Tweek replies, Craig can't help but laugh.

"Don't do that, I don't want a baby daddy in jail" Craig jokes.

"Okay, no punching but I'll  _ -nnn-  _ stick up for you" Tweek compromises. 

"Thank you babe" Craig says with a fond smile.

"If it doesn't make you too uncomfortable, can I say… I'm  _ -gah-  _ loving that you're kinda starting to show" Tweek says, testing the waters.

"I don't mind you saying that," Craig replies. He knows Tweek is talking about his body in a positive way and he doesn't mind the encouragement at this moment. 

"Your belly looks super cute, it's nice to know they're  _ -nnn- _ growing bigger and you're looking after them," Tweek says, sounding lovestruck.

"It just looks like I ate a big lunch, but thanks. You loving on me helps my confidence" Craig says. 

"I'll gas you up whenever you want" Tweek promises, cuddling Craig closer. 

"Can we lie down for a bit?" Craig asks "I'm feeling kinda dizzy again."

"Sure babe" Tweek replies "rest all you need."

—

The hardest thing for Craig is the changes in his chest. His belly is manageable, he isn't always thrilled that there's extra weight there and on his hips. His chest is the most triggering. He's been trying to use his binder throughout this time but it's very painful. Unbearably so, he starts just having to take it off as soon as he walks in the door. Now, he can't even wear it at all. He'd be lying if he said he didn't find this upsetting. 

And aside from the swelling they  _ hurt.  _ Craig's always been lucky and has never been all that well endowed in that area. The swelling still hasn't given him that much to work with, but there's more than before. He doesn't want them getting any bigger. 

He tries to power through. Loose shirts, sports bras. Anything he can to cover it with minimal pain. 

His hormones are all over the place too. Sometimes just seeing himself in the mirror sets him off. He finds himself crying, sometimes over minimal things and sometimes over serious things, like dysphoria. 

Tweek has been brilliantly supportive though. He avoids Craig's chest area when touching him, only caresses his belly. It reminds Craig what's important to them. The baby that is growing in there and that any other changes are collateral. For Tweek, those changes don't matter and Craig is still Craig. Still his boyfriend whom he loves. It helps but it doesn't make it go away.

Right now though, Tweek is at work and Craig is alone with his misery. Today his chest really fucking hurts. He can't even wear a bra, let alone a binder and it's just miserable. He hates them and he wishes they'd just go away. He doesn't know when the fuck he can get top surgery now. How is he supposed to save as a teenage parent? He might have to live with whatever this is forever. That idea hurts a lot. 

He doesn't even mean to cry. It just comes out. Once he starts sobbing it's hard to stop. His chest hurts, he feels miserably nauseous and his head is pounding. The crying doesn't help any of this but he just needs ro get it out. He needs to have a moment of vulnerability. 

He doesn't hear the knock at his door at first. He's too caught up in crying. He only realises when his door is opened and his mom gingerly steps in.

"I'm sorry for just barging in, baby" she says, "but I could hear you crying. What's the matter?"

"I just…" he tries to get out through sobs "I just feel wrong."

"I know honey" she says, moving to put her arms around him. She puts something on the bedroom floor but Craig doesn't notice through his upset. "Is it because you can't use your binder?" She asks him.

"Yes" he admits tearfully "it hurts so much. I just want it to stop."

"I'm so sorry" she says sincerely "I know this part is extra hard for you and there's not much I can do to make that go away but I have some ideas… if you want them." 

"Anything," he says. 

"Well, first I bought you these sports bra things. They're meant for nursing but they're designed for transgender bodies, so they might help you" she suggests, picking up a plastic bag from bedroom floor. 

"I'll try them" he says, "it's better than what I have now."

"What you have now is too small. I'm sorry to say" she tells him "whether you decide to nurse or not, your milk will come in and they will get bigger. But hopefully nursing bras can help."

"God, I knew this part would suck but like… I couldn't even imagine what it'd actually be like living through it" he admits sadly.

"I know, it's going to be difficult but I know you can do it" she encourages him.

"I'm trying my best" he says, wiping the tears from his face "I know the baby will be worth it in the end."

"I have another suggestion" she tells him, he nods, happy to listen as she's been nothing but helpful today. "So, if we use ice packs, or we can buy breastfeeding pads and freeze them. We can use those to ease some pain and swelling" she tells him.

"If that helps I wanna do it" Craig replies "it hurts a lot."

"Okay, I'll get you some ice for tonight and look into the pads later. But know you can't bind through this period Craig" she warns him "I know you want to and this is really difficult for you but you can cause yourself a lot of harm."

"Okay" Craig replies dejectedly. He knows she's right but that doesn't make the news any less hard to take.

"I'll go get you some ice, okay?" She says, heading back downstairs. 

Craig feels a little better knowing there's some relief, maybe. But it doesn't really stop the anxiety. He still wants his chest gone, but for now this nursing bra thing will have to do. 

—


	6. No More Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig is excited to finally be getting to go his first ultrasound. They had waited a little longer than normal because his mom had wanted to find him a trans friendly obstetrician. She found one, who they have to travel a little further for but she thinks it will be worth it. Craig appreciates her efforts to minimise his distress. He doesn't know how he would cope with all this without her and Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek get to see their baby for the first time but the news of Craig's pregnancy breaks at school.  
> TW, some ignorant comments made by students that do not reflect my opinion in any way.

Craig is excited to finally be getting to go his first ultrasound. They had waited a little longer than normal because his mom had wanted to find him a trans friendly obstetrician. She found one, who they have to travel a little further for but she thinks it will be worth it. Craig appreciates her efforts to minimise his distress. He doesn't know how he would cope with all this without her and Tweek. 

He does worry this doctor won't be as good as his mom thinks she is. Maybe she'll just treat him like a girl, maybe she'll misgender him or talk about biology excessively. He just wants someone to understand that his situation is a little weird, but he's still worth basic respect. He wants the doctor to understand that he's having a baby, as a guy. He's not changing who he is to make someone else feel more comfortable. He just wants her to be nice to him and validate him.

He wants a nice doctor so that there's no sour taste in his mouth when he finally gets to see his baby. He wants all the memories of today to be positive and he wants to be comfortable in an environment that is supposed to be where his first moments with his child will be. 

So naturally he's nervous. He wants his expectations to be met. He wants to see his kid and get the same feelings of love and happiness everyone else does. 

He gets a few weird looks in the waiting room. He's the youngest there and the only trans person. He didn't expect to see any other trans people here, not in South Park but he had wondered if there were any other pregnant teenagers. People don't seem angry that he's there, just confused. Craig feels like he's in the wrong place, but there's nothing he can do. He has to do this. He wants to see his baby and he wants to make sure that everything is okay medically. It's a sacrifice he needs to make. 

"Craig Tucker?" The doctor calls from the hallway. She doesn't sound surprised to be calling out a boy's name, or weirded out. Craig takes it as a good sign but he still follows her nervously. He follows her back into what must be her office with Tweek and his mom in tow. 

"So you're Craig?" She asks him, he gives her a shy nod "nice to meet you, I'm doctor Appleby." 

"Nice to meet you" he replies "this is Tweek, my boyfriend and my mom."

"Nice to meet you all" she says "so this is your first appointment for this pregnancy?"

"Uh, yeah" Craig replies "I was unsure if I was gonna continue."

"Well that's okay. I want you to know you're not my first trans patient ever but you  _ are  _ my first since coming to South Park" she tells him. 

"See Craig you aren't the  _ -hnn-  _ only one" Tweek encourages. 

"I know I'm not the only one it's just I'm the only one  _ here"  _ Craig clarifies "I'm not surprised I'm your only trans patient here."

"But if there's anything I can do to make you more comfortable, please let me know," she says.

"Well, um, male pronouns always and maybe don't refer to my… er, parts directly? Is that okay?" Craig asks awkwardly. 

"I won't do that, unless it's medically relevant. Is that okay with you?" She asks, double checking. Craig appreciates that she's asking rather than assuming. 

"I guess if it's really important medically then yeah, if you have to" Craig concedes. It might be important when he's trying to give birth or something. He doesn't want to think that far ahead. 

"I promise if I ever have to it will only ever be when completely necessary. I'm big on consent during labor so I do want you to be informed when making decisions for you and your baby" she says kindly. Craig believes her.

"That's good" Tweek adds "I get scared he might get  _ -ah-  _ treated badly… especially when in labor." 

"Okay" she says "well I'll do my very best to respect your boundaries. Shall we get started checking you over?"

"Sounds good," Craig says, turning to give his mom a smile. She found the right doctor, somehow. 

The rest of the appointment is just things like measuring Craig's belly, weight checks and her feeling his tummy. It's kind of boring while he waits for the real fun part. Getting to see the baby.

"Are you ready?" She asks as she presses the wand to his stomach. He nods, he's  _ so  _ ready. He wants something happy and positive throughout all the harder parts. 

He watches the screen and waits for it to come to life. She moves the wand around his belly until she finds the best spot to see the baby. 

Craig can see that they're human. It's not a tiny blob or even a weird embryo shape. He can see legs, arms and a round little head. They're a person already, he watches as they wriggle around trying to reconcile that he and Tweek  _ made  _ them. 

"Holy shit" Tweek says, which about sums up Craig's feelings too.

"There's your baby" the doctor says excitedly. 

"Look at those cute little legs kicking" his mom says, her voice sounding a little watery. God, if she cries he definitely will. 

"They're like, so human already," Craig says, in awe.

"We're really gonna be  _ -gah-  _ parents" Tweek says, clutching at Craig's hand. 

"We are" Craig grins "that little baby is half me and half you… they're so perfect."

"Does it all feel worth it now Craig?" His mom asks.

"It does," he says with a nod. It doesn't make the bad things go away but it reminds him why he is here. Why he made the choices he has. It's a huge reward for all the shit he's gone through over the last few months. 

"I'm so glad I'm  _ -nghh- _ doing this with you" Tweek says, giving Craig's cheek a quick peck. 

—

Craig still hasn't told anyone at school. He knows he should, his stomach is getting bigger and it's getting harder to hide. He's just been enjoying it being him, Tweek and his family in their own little bubble. Telling people will pop that and he's gonna have to start explaining. Probably over and over again. He just wants to be himself in peace and try to enjoy what he can of this pregnancy. But high schoolers aren't the peaceful kind. They like drama, they like scandal and they certainly will be ready to tear him to shreds. He already stands out enough in this town. 

Today though, the bubble, unable to sustain itself, pops on its own. Or more specifically, his belly pops out. Not like a big lunch or a bloat. Like a baby bump. There are no clothes in his closet that hide it. 

He gawks at his belly in horror in front of the mirror. He's probably only just noticed it but it feels like it wasn't there yesterday. The growth feels dramatic, and there's no real hiding it anymore.

"You look so cute" Tweek says sleepily, wrapping his arms around Craig from behind. 

"Tweek it's so  _ big! _ " Craig panics "everyone at schools gonna know!" 

"Oh shit" Tweek says, his sleepy brain slowly catching up "shit. I guess we're  _ -ah-  _ announcing it today."

"Everyone will make fun of me" Craig cries "everyone will laugh and they'll think I'm a girl! I can't have that!"

"They won't Craig" Tweek tries to soothe him "they might make a few  _ -nghh- _ sixteen and pregnant jokes but… you've always been a boy. We don't know you as anyone else."

"What if this makes everyone question it?!" Craig can't stop running what if in his head over and over. All of them are upsetting.

"It won't" Tweek replies "but if anyone tries it I'll tell them to  _ -gah-  _ fuck off."

"You're a good boyfriend" Craig sighs "I don't wanna go but I guess it's just gonna get worse the longer I leave it."

"Yeah" Tweek says, rubbing a hand over Craig's belly "but on the plus side, you don't have to hide anymore and you've got the  _ -nnn-  _ cutest bump I've ever seen." 

"Shut up" Craig replies with a weak laugh, he pulls Tweek in close for a hug. He clings on longer than he normally would, not wanting to face what the day has ahead. 

As they ride the bus people are staring. Tweek keeps a protective arm around Craig and Craig stares at the floor, unable to maintain eye contact. 

As they walk down the halls he hears whispers. Craig has never felt so exposed in his life. How have people caught on so quickly? 

"Craig" Clyde says, jolting Craig out of his thoughts "you have to tell me! Are the rumors true?"

"Lower your voice, man" Tweek growls.

"But are they?" Clyde presses, Craig frowns.

"What rumor?" Craig asks, hoping that miraculously it'll be something else. Something else stupid with less serious consequences and that Craig can live in denial a little longer. 

"That you're  _ pregnant  _ dude!" Clyde hisses, Craig feels his face fall.

"It's true," he admits, ashamedly. 

"How does that even work, man?" Clyde pries. Craig frowns, he thought Clyde got basic anatomy.

"You know I'm transgender" Craig snaps.

"Yeah but like… I didn't know you could get pregnant!" Clyde almost sounds betrayed. This is too dumb for words.

"I can," he says, "google it if you want to know specifics." 

"Clyde, it's kinda rude to be so  _ -gah-  _ invasive about someone else's body. Not cool dude" Tweek remarks. 

"Sorry, I'm just so shocked. People were saying it and I didn't believe them but then I saw your stomach" he tries to explain himself. 

"Don't remind me" Craig says "I feel insecure enough already."

"Can you just be a  _ -nnn-  _ friend Clyde? People are already talking enough shit" Tweek cuts in.

"Of course" Clyde promises "you're my bro Craig. Pregnant or not, I support you."

"Thanks" Craig sighs. The support actually helps him more than he'd like to admit. It helps him head into class with his head held high at least. 

Everyone is whispering and Tweek isn't in this class. They aren't even trying to be quiet. Craig can make out what they're saying. 

_ He's got to be pregnant, nobody gets that fat that quick. _

_ How can he even get pregnant? Does he have… you know? _

_ He was born a girl so I guess he can. _

_ I don't get it, if he wants to be a boy why have a baby? _

That's the straw that breaks the camel's back for Craig. He storms out, tears welling and leaves all his stuff behind in the classroom. He doesn't even think about it, he just has to get out of there.

"Craig?" A voice calls.

Craig turns, not really wanting whoever it is to see him so upset but it's a reflexive action. 

It's Kenny.

"What?" Craig asks, his voice raw and tears threatening to fall at any moment. He wipes at his eyes in order to beat them to it. 

"I just… what they were saying? It's not right man" Kenny tells him.

"I know that" Craig huffs "I knew people would say shit like this!"

"They're fuckers dude" Kenny says "you're allowed to do whatever you want with your body."

"I've never stopped being a boy" Craig says "I didn't mean to get pregnant and I just… I'm attached to the baby. But I'm still a boy. I'm always going to be."

"I know" Kenny agrees "It's a weird situation for this podunk town but like… I don't see why you can't carry your baby and still be a boy."

"Thank you" Craig breathes out, he impulsively pulls Kenny into a hug. Craig's not usually a hugger unless it's Tweek or his family. But right now, Kenny is saying what he needs to hear.

"Most people think like me" Kenny assures him "nasty people like those guys in class are in the minority."

"I hope so," Craig says quietly. 

"We're behind you dude" Kenny promises. 

Craig lets out a small sigh of relief. At least he has some people on his side. 

—


	7. You're Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a moment he notices something else. A funny feeling in his stomach, not nausea but more like a flutter. He has to concentrate through the pain to realise it but then it clicks. The baby is moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig feels his first flutters.  
> TW for Cartman being a dick.

Craig lays awake, staring at the ceiling. His head aches badly, another migraine taking hold. It's difficult to stay productive at school or even being around people. He's a shit friend, partner and son because he's been so unwell. He wishes he could enjoy this more but he can't take his medication. So he's just stuck living with the blinding headaches until they choose to fade away. 

Tweek lays beside him, asleep. Tweek basically lives here now, he hasn't officially moved all his stuff in but it's been acknowledged that they will be able to support each other better as co-parents if they're living under the same roof. To be honest it hasn't changed all that much, Tweek was already spending the bulk of his time here anyway. His parents are never home and are pretty neglectful. Craig's mom has already kinda taken Tweek under her wing. It's just more official now, he and Tweek are having a baby and will be living together. 

Home is nice but school is awful. People have made a lot of nasty comments both to his face and behind his back. There's been support but there's also been people being ignorant. People not understanding and asking too personal questions and people just being nasty for the sake of it. 

He expected some of it but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. He does sort of feel like the town freak even though his family and friends are constantly trying to reassure him but he's not. It's hard not to feel out of place when you're the only person experiencing this. Trans or not he's the only pregnant teenager he knows. That in itself is isolating. 

He has Tweek to vent to and to provide support but it's not the same. Tweek doesn't know what it's like to physically be carrying a baby. He doesn't experience the migraines, the weight gain, the stretch marks, all the body aches and pains. He can't relate to any of that. Really, what they have in common is their anxiety about their upcoming parenthood. They both worry that they won't be good parents. Will they be able to cope with the sleepless nights? The crying? All the complex things they will need to teach their baby? And later, teaching them values and raising a generally good person. Can they, two teenagers desperately scrambling to be ready for this baby, achieve this? It's something that keeps them both up at night. But clearly, not tonight for Tweek.

Craig hopes his mom will let him stay home from school tomorrow. Not sleep, the migraine postdrome and general pregnancy fatigue are not a good combination. 

He sighs, it's honestly miserable. His head pounds and also spins. He's nauseous, and his back aches from the weight of his belly. It's difficult to get comfortable and he just stares at the ceiling to help himself feel less disoriented.

He's so tired but just can't sleep.

For a moment he notices something else. A funny feeling in his stomach, not nausea but more like a flutter. He has to concentrate through the pain to realise it but then it clicks. The baby is moving. 

This is the first time Craig has ever felt any movement. He's been waiting for it but this is the first time he's noticed anything. Maybe it's because he's so miserable but he feels oddly sentimental. He's feeling awful, down and almost a little hopeless and his little one has sent him a reminder.  _ Hey dad, I'm here!  _ A reminder that there's light at the end of the tunnel. This won't be forever. Only a few more months and he'll have a sweet little baby to hold. Half him and half Tweek, they'll really be a family.

Craig smiles, his head still hurts but feeling the baby move softens the blow a little. He rolls over and curls a hand around his belly.

_ I know you're here. And I love you.  _

He thinks as he closes his eyes, hoping sleep will come eventually. 

—

Craig just tries to mind his own business at school. He doesn't dress in a way that shows off his baby bump or goes around touching it too much or anything. He sometimes finds himself resting his hand there unconsciously but he's never purposely trying to draw attention. 

In an ideal world he'd just like to be left alone. Ignoring everyone and everyone ignoring him. But high school has never worked that way. His situation is drama so people like to stare and gossip. His friends have been great supports though, often shielding him from nasty words or stupid questions. 

He wishes he could leave but he knows his mom would flip. His mom is hell bent on him finishing so that he can further his education. Even if he does night school at the community college or online. She wants to set him up so that he can support himself and his family rather than being stuck in a cycle of poverty. He's a teenager though, he's short sighted and right now he's only thinking about  _ right now.  _ He wants out badly but the threat of his mom's wrath keeps him going. 

Instead he looks forward to the time off he'll get when he's closer to delivery and the postpartum time. Any time off school is welcome at this point. 

He sits behind his desk, uncomfortable. He's not huge or anything but there's enough weight in his belly to cause discomfort. His back and hips ache a lot and the shitty school chairs aren't helpful. Being stuck behind a desk just makes it all worse.

He raises his hand, desperately needing to pee. He's already been once but being pregnant means he needs to go all the time.

"I need to go to the bathroom again," Craig says, embarrassed. 

"Be quick" the teacher replies. He's trying to be sympathetic to Craig's situation but also it's disruptive to the class. 

"No way!" Cartman cries from the back of the classroom "he's getting  _ privileges!  _ It's not fair just because he's a biological freak and can get himself knocked up!"

"Dude!" Clyde cuts in before Craig can reply "not cool!" 

"It's not fair!" Cartman yells again, trying to be disruptive "he shouldn't get privileges that I don't get just because he can get pregnant!"

Craig rolls his eyes, this is so dumb he can't even be offended. He is surprised by Clyde though. Clyde is usually trying to impress Cartman, why Craig will never understand. 

"Bro, being transgender isn't a privilege" Clyde rebuts. 

"He's not a biological freak either" Bebe adds "he's just a guy with a uterus. It happens, maybe you should get out more" she quips. 

"That's enough," the teacher cuts in, "Eric, sit down." 

"It's not fair! I'll sue!" Cartman continues, to everyone's annoyance. 

"You're not being discriminated against" Token drawls, rolling his eyes.

"Having a baby is hard you know!" Clyde says "you wouldn't be able to hack it."

"You complain when the tacos are too spicy" Bebe points out.

Cartman just looks annoyed.

"Whatevah" he says "at least my kid will know I'm it's dad and not some hybrid."

"I'm not a hybrid," Craig says, speaking up for the first time. 

"Craig  _ is  _ their dad," Bebe asserts. 

"And he's going to be an incredible one too," Token says, meeting Craig's eyes with a sincere smile. 

"Thanks," Craig replies, warmth spreading through his chest knowing his friends are all so supportive. 

"Craig" their teacher says tiredly "just go to the bathroom please, and be quick."

"I will," Craig says, thankful to leave the room. He leaves with a full heart though. 

—


	8. Uncomfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig hasn't felt so weird in his own body in a long time. It just seems to be getting weirder as time goes on. Having a tummy is weird, feeling the baby move around in there is weird and his chest… he doesn't want to talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for dysphoria and talk of nursing.

Craig fiddles uncomfortably with the nursing crop top he's been wearing. Tweek is on the bed, watching him. Craig doesn't get why since he's all swollen and stretch marked but Tweek seems to like it. Craig hasn't felt so weird in his own body in a long time. It just seems to be getting weirder as time goes on. Having a tummy is weird, feeling the baby move around in there is weird and his chest… he doesn't want to talk about it. 

He doesn't look at all like himself, it's almost like looking down and seeing someone else completely. While he sometimes felt strong dysphoria in his pre-baby body at least he knew it. He'd been saddled with it for sixteen years, he didn't always love it but he knew exactly what he looked like. Now, itself weird he has to keep reminding himself that this is him now. When he looks down and sees a bump, that's  _ his  _ bump.  _ His  _ body is carrying  _ their  _ baby. Sometimes it's distressing, other times it's just odd. 

The nursing bra thing his mom got him is kind of helping. It's designed to minimise his chest without causing too much pain and discomfort but it's not a miracle cure. Today it hurts a lot, he tried the frozen cabbage leaves and they helped a little but still, he's super uncomfortable. 

"You still hurting?" Tweek asks him.

"They're so swollen Tweek" Craig complains.

"That really sucks" Tweek replies "but at least you know they're  _ -ah-  _ working."

"What does that mean?" Craig asks, confused. 

Tweek has always remained neutral to Craig's chest. Because Craig has always wanted him to. He doesn't want Tweek expressing attraction to them or grabbing them during sex. He doesn't want Tweek to acknowledge them full stop.

"Well like… if you wanted to breastfeed the baby" Tweek says awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to broach the subject. 

"No," Craig says firmly, "I'm not doing that."

"I mean, you're not even going to  _ -nghh- _ think about it?" Tweek asks him. Craig doesn't think there is judgement there. Tweek is just wondering. It's easy for Tweek to wonder as he'll never be in this position. Craig doesn't have to think about it. 

"No, I want them chopped off asap. I don't want to be in public getting them out for a baby to suck on. Jesus Tweek" Craig snaps in annoyance. Tweek knows his chest is his biggest dysphoria source. 

"I'm sorry I just thought you might  _ -ah- _ want to! So many people say it's a unique experience and good for  _ -nghh-  _ bonding and stuff" Tweek tries to explain. Craig knows he means well but it's really starting to rub him the wrong way. 

"I'll find other ways to bond. I'm not doing anything to acknowledge they're even there… and as soon as I can afford it, they're going" he says, hoping he conveys the finality in his voice. 

"Craig, I know you're really uncomfortable about your chest. And that's fine it's just… we're  _ -hnn- _ poor baby. If you breastfed that would mean we can cut formula cost" Tweek explains. Shit, it makes sense if they were a cis couple, but they aren't. Craig can't put a price on his mental health like that. 

"Stop using that word" Craig winces. 

"What word?" Tweek asks, clueless. 

"The b word. I'm not doing it Tweek. My sanity is more important than money" Craig snaps. He doesn't want to fight with Tweek but this is non negotiable for him. 

"It is… I don't wanna force you. If you're that uncomfortable you don't have to I just thought it  _ -nnn-  _ might be an idea" Tweek softens, realising he was being a bit too pushy. 

"The answer is no. I know stopping your milk production after birth is hard but that's what I'm doing" Craig says. 

"How is it hard? Just out of curiosity" Tweek asks him. Tweek doesn't know these things because none of this is happening to his body. He doesn't have to think about discouraging milk production or pelvic floor exercises. He can just chill until his baby arrives. Craig envies this so much. 

"Well being around your baby and hearing them cry and that does stimulate milk production and you have to pump sometimes to relieve pain but like, it's worth it for me. I need them to go back to normal asap" Craig tries to explain. Nursing also prolongs the amount of time he can't bind. Craig wants to begin binding again as soon as possible. 

"What if they don't go back to normal?" Tweek asks him. It's a very real possibility, they might stay a bit bigger than before. He might have to wait until top surgery to feel normal again but he decides not to lose hope so early.

"As close to normal as possible, I'm sure our baby will be just as happy with formula" he says.

"A fed baby is best" Tweek agrees with a nod. 

"Exactly, sorry I can't be the mom stereotype but I'm not a mom" Craig says, it's partly a snarky jab and partly, he is kinda sorry deep down. Not that he's a guy, but that he's never gonna give Tweek normality like in the movies. 

"I don't want you to be a mom. I want you to be you. You're a dad, I'm a dad and we're a gay  _ -hnn-  _ couple. But some dads do bre- I mean nurse" Tweek says, tone serious. 

"I know, props to them but I'm not one" Craig replies, he doesn't want to invalidate others' choices. But he knows this is the choice for him. 

"Okay" Tweek says "I just  _ -nnn- _ want you to be happy so if you don't want to nurse that's okay."

"Thank you, I know it's more money but I just can't…" Craig tells him, placing a hand on his stomach. 

"It's okay man, dysphoria sucks. Let's not  _ -ah-  _ make it worse" Tweek assures him.

"I love you" Craig says tenderly "sorry I got a little snippy there." 

"I love you too" Tweek replies fondly "and it's okay I was kinda poking a sore spot I know, whatever you feel is best for your body. I'll  _ -nnn-  _ follow your lead." 

"Thanks, I feel like everything has just changed so much. I need to feel in control of something" Craig admits. 

"Well, you know I love the changes right? Your belly looks so good, and you look so  _ -nghh-  _ healthy. It's just really amazing to see" Tweek gushes. It doesn't exactly make Craig feel better but it is nice to see Tweek looking so happy. 

"I don't totally hate the belly, it's just weird" Craig tells him. 

"It looks cute on you" Tweek grins.

"Maybe" Craig muses "our baby will be cuter though."

—

Craig doesn't want to get up. It's Saturday and Tweek is working and he's feeling down. It's not just Tweek being gone that has him upset, it's just  _ everything.  _ It's a shitty combination of dysphoria, hormones and isolation. If Tweek were home he'd probably ask to cuddle up. Tweek would probably whisper little things in his ear about how much he loves him and how strong he thinks Craig is. It's not a cure but it helps. But today he's alone. 

He doesn't feel rational. Today he just feels really wrong and he wants out. He wants to somehow not be pregnant anymore without any harm coming to the baby. That's what he wants, but the baby is nowhere near ready to be born. So instead he lays in bed and feels miserable. He tries to cover himself in blankets and pillows, to try and feel like he doesn't have a body. To feel like just an entity. That would be the dream, it's hard to pretend when you're being kicked from the inside though. He loves the kid, he really does, but today is one of the worst days he's had throughout this whole pregnancy and today they wanna be kicking up a storm. If Craig is honest, he'd like to forget he's pregnant altogether. He knows it doesn't work that way though.  _ Parenthood  _ doesn't work that way. Craig still has to be dad, no matter how he is feeling. 

He knows he's being pathetic but being a blob in bed. Trying to pretend he's someone else. It's the only thing that really helps, bar Tweeks loving presence. He feels like this state of non-being has to be better for the baby than constant panic attacks. He was prepared to be alone in his misery, not to drag in another soul but a knock on his door ruins this. 

"It's me" says Tricia, inviting herself in. 

"I'm not doing good," he replies. 

"I know, that's why I came here" she tells him. He appreciates that she's noticed his moping but he doesn't really want to be trying to pretend he's okay. 

"I'm not gonna be any fun right now so maybe just… leave me be. I don't want to wreck your Saturday too" he sighs, hoping she'll get the hint.

"I'm not going, I'm staying here with you. We're either gonna ride through it together or I'll make you feel better. Those are your only two options" she insists. She sits down on his bed, her way of making her declaration final.

"I just feel  _ wrong,  _ Tricia, it's messed up and it's not something you'd understand" Craig complains. He never knows how to explain this to people, most just don't get it. 

"I know that I can't understand it firsthand but I'd like to listen, if you feel like talking" she says softly, sympathetically. Craig softens, she just wants to keep him company. 

"I don't, I just… I feel bad for feeling this way" he admits.

"What do you mean?" She asks. 

"Well I'm having a baby. I'm supposed to be happy. I chose to have this baby and to put my body through this, I want them, I'm just… I'm not enjoying pregnancy much at all" he tries to explain. 

"I don't think that it's that weird. I've heard of people who love their kids but hated pregnancy" Tricia tells him. Craig knows parental guilt is a real thing but that doesn't make this any less complicated. 

"I guess, I just don't want this baby to feel unwanted," he says. That's what he's most afraid of. That his own issues will somehow affect the baby. He needs his baby to know they're loved. 

"I don't think they will. They won't know how you're feeling when pregnant and later when they're born I'm sure you'll be a great dad and shower them with love" Tricia tells him sincerely. 

"Thanks… I hope you're ready to be an aunt" be replies, hoping to change the subject to something a little more positive. 

"I'm so excited! I'll watch them sometimes if you want" she says, lighting up. She's only fourteen though, so Craig isn't sure.

"We'll see" he hums. 

They stay together for the rest of the afternoon. Just talking and keeping each other company. It's helpful and a welcome distraction. He doesn't realise how much isolating himself was amplifying his distress. She only leaves when Tweek returns home, she knew he needed the company but she also knows he and Tweek need some time to discuss things. 

"Did you do okay today?" Tweek asks him. He knew Craig wasn't having a good day and he hadn't wanted to leave him this morning. But they need money and Tweek is the one with the job so he left. 

"Not really. I felt so miserable in my own skin and then just felt guilty in turn for not enjoying my pregnancy"

"That stinks dude. I wish I could just say something and it would take all the bad feelings away but I can't" Tweek says sadly. 

"I know. You being here for me helps, I trust you not to judge me" Craig tells him. He's not lying either, it is so helpful just to have another person there, letting him process his feelings.

"I would never judge you, you're allowed to have bad days" Tweek promises him. 

"I know, ugh, my hair is getting so long. Too long" Craig groans, pushing a strand behind his ear. He hasn't been out enough to go get a haircut and it just won't stop growing. 

"It's probably your pregnancy hormones. I think they make hair grow" Tweek points out. Craig knows this but it doesn't make him feel any better. 

"Well, I hate it. It's not me" Craig says miserably. 

"I mean… I can cut it for you? If you like?" Tweek asks him cautiously. 

"Am I gonna have to shave my dead?" Craig jokes. He doesn't want his hair completely destroyed. 

"I cut my own hair, which probably isn't a good endorsement of my skills, but whatever" Tweek shrugs. Craig laughs, before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His heart sinking when he sees his hair. 

"I don't think I can take any more of this, just do it" he says, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I'll try my best" Tweek promises.

They just set up in the bathroom. A towel over Craig's shoulders and a broom to sweep up the stray hair. 

Tweek is careful. He combs through tenderly, cutting slowly and subtly touching Craig's neck and face. To Craig it's pure love. It's Tweek wanting him to feel better and doing anything in his power to help. 

Craig's hair isn't perfect but it's cut with love and affection. It's short how he wants it and the imperfections remind him of Tweek.

He has to smile every time he passes himself in the mirror now.

—


	9. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let's go out," Tweek suggests. Craig is a little startled by the request. It's a bit out of the blue and he hasn't been out much since falling pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek go on a date and talk insecurities.

"Let's go out," Tweek suggests. Craig is a little startled by the request. It's a bit out of the blue and he hasn't been out much since falling pregnant. 

"Why?" He asks.

"Well we haven't been out as a  _ -nghh-  _ couple in ages and you've been feeling kinda down… I thought I could take you to City Wok or something? Might be a  _ -nnn-  _ nice night out" Tweek suggests, Craig is unsure. 

"I'm all pregnant and gross," Craig protests weakly. 

"You're pregnant, not dead. And definitely not gross. Plenty of couples still go on  _ -hnn- _ dates when one is pregnant… you're not even heavily pregnant yet" Tweek reminds him, Craig rolls his eyes. 

"Don't remind me that I'm only gonna get bigger," Craig groans.

"Well let's  _ -nghh-  _ go out tonight before that happens" Tweek says with a laugh.

"I guess, it can't hurt," Craig acquiesces.

"Great! You wanna shower and get ready? Doesn't have to be  _ -gah- _ fancy but we might as well dress up more than sweats" Tweek suggests giving Craig's shoulder a playful poke. 

"Sure, you're driving" Craig replies with a cheeky grin. 

There's actually quite a few patrons dining at City Wok that night. It's not unusual, there's not a lot of choice for sit down restaurants in South Park. City Wok is the best restaurant where you can have a nice date without sending a ton. It's good for teenagers having an anniversary or working and middle class couples having a date night. 

Craig had been kind of excited to head out. To get out of the house and to do something as a couple. Something teenagers their age normally do. But he gets a stark reminder of how he's not normal, not in this small town, when they enter the restaurant and the patrons all stare. Mostly adults too, not dumb teenagers, all staring at Craig and his pregnant stomach. It might be because he's a teenager but it's probably because he's masculine presenting. Not all the stares are friendly. Craig feels like a freak making people uncomfortable so he tugs at Tweeks hand and high tails it out of there. 

"What's the matter?" Tweek asks, confused. 

"I can't Tweek… everyone was staring…" Craig struggles to get out through his distress. 

"Fuck them" Tweek says aggressively. 

"It's not that easy Tweek! I don't have the energy to fight ignorance and prejudice everywhere I go" Craig exclaims. He's so tired of having to explain his existence everywhere he goes. 

"Okay, well… how about we change our plans a little?" Tweek suggests.

"It's going to be the same whenever we go, people always stare" Craig says defeatedly. 

"No dude, I have an idea. Nobody can  _ -nnn- _ stare if we go through the drive thru" Tweek says with a happy glint in his eye. 

"I guess so" Craig replies. He supposes Tweek is right, and it's not the worst idea he's ever had. 

"I know it's not  _ -ah- _ fancy but we can just chill in the car. Spend time together and have a lowkey date" Tweek encourages him. 

"I like that idea much better," Craig agrees with a nod.

"Okay, well let's do it, you want  _ -hnn- _ McDonalds?" Tweek asks. 

This low key kind of date is secretly Craig's favorite anyway. He likes the privacy and intimacy of them. For him, he's never really been high maintenance and has never been that picky regarding food. McDonald's is more than fine with him. 

Tweek takes them through drive thru and does all the talking. If the drive thru attendants notice Craig's stomach none of them say anything. It's nice to just be himself and not drawing attention. 

"This is my dream date" Craig confesses.

"Really? I appreciate the low maintenance" Tweek replies with a fond affection. 

"Yeah well, it's not just that. It's that we're alone and we can just be ourselves" Craig explains further. 

"Also, it's like… we're playing adults a lot. Us having a baby so  _ -ah- _ young so it's kinda nice to do something that someone our ages would do" Tweek agrees. It's something Craig thinks about too, having to grow up so fast and sometimes just missing being a teenager with nothing to stress about. 

"That's true, it's nice to just not worry for a few hours," Craig agrees. 

"I think we need to do stuff like this together more often. We should make time, even after the baby is born… just to keep us  _ -nnn- _ sane" Tweek tells him. Craig thinks this is a good idea; he just isn't sure how they'll manage with a baby. 

"Do you think my mom would be okay with that?" He wonders.

"I think she would," Tweek replies. Craig isn't so sure but he does think she'd want them to look after their mental health. 

"I hope so, I want us to stay together" Craig replies. He doesn't know what he would do if he and Tweek broke up.

"I think we will if we're willing to work for it" Tweek muses "I love you and I want to spend  _ -hnn- _ forever with you… we just have to make sure we  _ -ah-  _ talk about stuff. Don't let emotions simmer and tell each other when we're upset."

"I don't know what I'd do without you. I know we're only in high school but I just feel so sure about you" Craig tells Tweek. He loves Tweek, he knows they're so young and statistically relationships like theirs don't last. But he hopes he and Tweek will be the exception, they have to make it. 

"I feel the same way. I think we're going to be a great family. We just have to keep  _ -nnn-  _ being a great team" Tweek says, smiling at Craig kindly.

"I think we can do that," Craig hums happily. 

—

It's not even dysphoria anymore. Well not really, dysphoria is there, like a toxic old friend but it's not what's keeping him from really showing all of himself this time. Since his pregnancy really began to progress and he began showing physically he's been doing a lot of hiding. He still goes to school, he has to. His mom will kill him if he drops out. He's actually doing well grades wise, mainly because he's been using schoolwork and homework as a distraction. It's nice to know he isn't a total disappointment in one area. 

But he doesn't like the way he looks. In more than a dysphoric way. Yes, he definitely feels like he's in the wrong body but also, he just feels  _ ugly.  _ It's very teenage, in the same way he might've hated any acne or the braces he wore a year before. He doesn't want Tweek seeing him naked. He feels too much has changed. His stomach is so much bigger, stretch marks encompass it and it's not the only part of him that's changed. Everywhere is bigger really, thighs, butt, sides… he doesn't even want to go into what's going on with his chest. He doesn't have the body Tweek fell in love with anymore and that's scary as fuck. Would Tweek even find him attractive once he's not carrying a baby anymore? The idea makes him feel so messed up. 

He's been holding back because of this and holding in all his insecurities. It's getting to both him and Tweek and Craig knows this is the opposite of what they agreed to do on their date. But still, he can't make the words come out. So instead he withdraws himself physically and he knows Tweek is worried. 

"Why don't you want to?" Tweek asks him after Craig, once again rebuffs his advances to be intimate. 

"Because I said I don't," he snaps.

"I respect that you don't, but you need to tell me  _ -nnn- _ why? What am I doing wrong?" Tweek presses, right on Craig's raw nerve. 

"Nothing except hounding me" Craig says rudely. 

"You know that's not true, I've been  _ -gah-  _ super patient with you" Tweek replies, frustrated. 

"Is that all our relationship means to you? Because you're acting like it!" Craig explodes. He doesn't mean to but this conversation needs to stop,  _ now.  _

"No,  _ you're  _ deflecting! I want to have a  _ -nghh- _ talk about your emotions and you're just making me out to be a pervert" Tweek fires back, angry at the accusation. 

"You want me to explain to you why I don't want to have sex, so you can coerce me into it" Craig says nastily. 

"That's nuts Craig, I just want to talk about it because something is clearly  _ -nghh- _ going on. You haven't let me see your belly in ages" Tweek keeps on pressing. Not giving up, never giving up.

"Because I hate it!" Craig exclaims, regretting it the instant it leaves his lips. He does mean what he's saying, he hates the way he looks right now but it's coming out like he hates the baby and that's not what he means at all. 

"You hate it?" Tweek softens, clearly saddened by Craig's admission. 

"There, you made me say it! You win, you're the best dad and I'm the worst" Craig snaps, turning his head away from Tweek so that he won't see the tears welling in his eyes. 

"Hey, I'm not sure why you're  _ -nnn-  _ comparing us. Cause I never did. Hating your belly doesn't make you a bad dad" Tweek says, moving slowly to close the space between them. Craig turns his head away again but Tweek catches it. He brings up a hand to Craig's face to wipe the tears. 

"Then why do I feel like one, constantly?" Craig says miserably. 

"Because I don't think you're feeling very  _ -hnn-  _ confident in yourself at the moment" Tweek offers, his tone kind. 

"You're right… I just… I hate my body okay. I feel ugly as shit" Craig replies in frustration. 

"Because of the changes?" Tweek asks. 

"Because I gained weight like  _ everywhere  _ and there's stretch marks and like, cellulite… I don't look like the person you started dating anymore" Craig admits, he might as well come clean by this point. 

"That's… I don't see you that way at all. I'm sorry you  _ -nghh- _ feel so insecure, but how you look? It hasn't changed  _ -hnn-  _ anything for me, it's made me respect you more if anything" Tweek tells him. Craig can see admiration and love sparkling genuinely in his eyes. 

"Does respect equal attraction though?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper. 

"Not always, but in this case  _ -ah-  _ unequivocally yes" Tweek tells him sincerely, not breaking eye contact. 

"I'm sorry… I need to work on being less mean when I don't want to talk about something" Craig mutters. He closes the small space between him and Tweek and pulls his boyfriend into a hug.

"We all have shit to work on, I probably should have brought this up earlier" Tweek replies, rubbing Craig's back. 

"I guess this is a learning curve… like how we said the other day when we went on the date" Craig says, this is probably what Tweek meant by hard work. 

"Definitely, we have to have  _ -nnn-  _ hard discussions to get stronger… or something like that" Tweek agrees. 

"Sorry I yelled, my pride isn't worth losing you over" Craig repeats his apology as they break apart. 

"It's okay, we don't have to have sex okay? I don't want to  _ -gah- _ pressure you I just wanted to find out why you were being so distant" Tweek tries to assure him. Craig appreciates that, that he was concerned about Craig's emotional wellbeing more than actually getting in his pants. 

"Thanks for understanding… I do miss being with you  _ that way.  _ I just need to get more comfortable in my own skin" he tells Tweek, taking his hand and squeezing softly. 

"That's okay, I can wait for you" Tweek promises, squeezing back.

—


	10. Gender Neutral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig has decided to let Tweek back in. Tweek can love his body for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek prepare for the new baby.

Craig has decided to let Tweek back in. Tweek can love his body for the both of them. It's hard to explain but this helps him feel a little better. He knows his issues aren't cured but it's helpful to have positive influence. He doesn't worry so much about if Tweek thinks he's ugly or unattractive because now he knows. Tweek finds him as attractive as ever. Tweeks enthusiasm is kind of contagious too. 

Craig can feel little flutters and movement and has been able to for a few weeks now but Tweek hasn't felt anything for himself from the outside. He desperately wants to and has been touching Craig near constantly now that Craig has given him the okay. 

Craig knows he just wants to connect with the baby and for the first time he considers what things might be like from the other side. If he was on the outside with Tweek feeling every flutter. He realises that, despite the anguish he's been through, he's kind of privileged. Privileged to have this experience, it's completely unique and it's a bond Tweek will never know. His body, for all its changes, is keeping their baby alive and growing. He suddenly feels thankful, for both his own health and the baby's. He doesn't know how he would cope being on the outside. He knows he won't be able to appreciate this experience fully but he's got to try. It's more than Tweek gets at this moment.

"I love you" he tells Tweek, who is stroking his stomach. 

They're alone in Craig's bedroom (their bedroom now, weird) so Craig feels comfortable lifting up his shirt and having his bare stomach on display. 

"I love you too" Tweek replies "but that was a little out of the blue." 

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you and how amazing you've been," Craig says. 

"Thanks Craig, I'm  _ -ah- _ lucky to have you too" Tweek replies, still focusing on Craig's stomach. 

"I've been difficult lately and like, I've just realised how much you've put up with and helped me through it" Craig tries to reiterate just how much he appreciates the support. 

"You're going through a lot and  _ -nghh- _ need support, of course I'll support you" Tweek tells him, pressing a kiss to Craig's belly. 

"I know but it can't be easy" Craig replies. 

"I love you so it's worth it" Tweek says, like it's nothing. 

"Do you struggle not being able to feel all the stuff I feel?" Craig asks, he figures they've been talking about him a lot so it couldn't hurt to talk about Tweek now. 

"Sometimes, I'd like to know what it's like to have the  _ -hnn- _ experience you're having but I guess I'll just make up for it when they're born and can hold them myself" Tweek rationalizes. 

"You're gonna be the best dad, you'll spoil them for sure" Craig is confident in this, Tweek already loves their kid so much. 

"Hopefully just the right amount so they will feel super loved but won't be a  _ -gah-  _ brat" Tweek replies. 

"We haven't got the money to create a brat anyway" Craig points out with a laugh. 

"That's true, I guess that's a plus. Man, I love your belly so much" Tweek says. 

"You loving it is helping me hate it less" Craig tells him truthfully. 

"Really? Cause I'd  _ -nnn-  _ love for you to see what I see. I just want you to love yourself" Tweek says, sounding hopeful. 

"You're helping, I'm kind of enjoying things through your eyes" Craig assures him. 

"I'm glad, that's all I want for you, to be  _ -ah-  _ happy-  _ oh"  _ Tweek says, cutting himself off 

"Did you feel that one?" Craig asks. The baby has been moving this entire time but Craig was sure Tweek couldn't feel it. Up until now anyway. 

"I did, holy shit! That's like, crazy man!" Tweek exclaims happily. 

"They move a lot more when you talk," Craig tells him. It's true too, even when they're talking about mundane shit, the sound of Tweeks voice often sparks movement. 

"Really… that's like… they know I'm here! They know I'm their dad!" Tweek says so excitedly. 

"They do Tweek. They like hearing you talk as much as I do" Craig smiles, so happy that Tweek is finally getting to experience this.

"Holy shit man! It's finally  _ -nghh- _ happening" Tweek says, staring at Craig's stomach in awe. 

"Hopefully you can feel more now, I want you to be able to build your connection" Craig says, he wants Tweek to feel what he feels. Even though feeling everything is impossible. 

"I hope so, shit, I'm just so happy we're doing this" Tweek hums happily. 

"Me too, I didn't expect to feel this okay but now? I dunno, I feel pretty good" Craig admits, it's nice to not feel awful all the time. 

"I'm so glad to hear it man," Tweek says, smiling wide.

—

Craig trawls through the maternity section at Wal-mart. He hopes that no one from school will see him here. All the clothes are aimed at women, which is embarrassing enough. He finds some basics that are pretty gender neutral, plain white tees and sweats. He grabs those things and stuffs them in his basket, keen to get the hell out of that section.

It really bothers him the way things are so gendered. Even kids' clothes, why does society have to seperate gender so obviously? He thinks that he doesn't care what gender his baby is biologically. He also doesn't want to just assume the biological gender of his baby will be the gender they identify as when they grow older. He'd be such a hypocrite if he did, seeing as he was asserting to be called male pronouns ever since he could talk. 

He wishes there was a better selection of gender neutral maternity clothes, as well as baby clothes. As he and Tweek wander mindlessly through the baby section Craig sees a clear divide between  _ boys  _ and  _ girls.  _ Newborn babies don't even know where they are, let alone have a sense of gender identity. He doesn't want to force his kid to be one way or the other. 

"I don't want to find out the gender of the baby" Craig blurts out, touching his stomach. 

"We don't have to find out" Tweek replies, "a surprise could be  _ -ah-  _ cool."

"I think we should give them a unisex name and dress them gender neutral until they're old enough to ask for certain colours and styles" Craig rambles a little, just wanting to get all this information out.

"I'm cool with that, I'll follow your lead with  _ -nghh-  _ gender stuff" Tweek tells him.

"So you don't mind being more gender neutral in our parenting? I mean we can use their biological pronouns and birth name until they're old enough to tell us… I just don't want to assume" Craig tries to explain. He needs Tweek to know why this is so important to him. 

"I mean I don't think I ever knew you as your assigned gender, you were always so  _ -nnn-  _ strong and vocal about being a boy" Tweek muses. This is true, even as a young kid Craig knew to ask to be treated as a boy. He's lucky that his parents supported him and let him live his true self. 

"Well, I'm kinda hoping we will do the same with our kid. Be so supportive that they feel comfortable talking about that stuff young. If they're cis that's fine, but if they're trans I want them to feel like they can tell me" Craig explains, he wants to be like his own parents. 

"I'm all for that, I want our kid to feel  _ -hnng- _ safe and happy with us" Tweek agrees with a smile. 

"So when we pick names and stuff, let's just go with unisex, if that's okay with you?" Craig clarifies. 

"That's fine, I honestly haven't thought much about  _ -ah-  _ future kids before this so I don't have any names picked out in my head or something" Tweek admits to him. 

"Thanks for being so accommodating of me, I know I'm a lot sometimes" Craig says. 

"Craig, I knew what I signed up for when I started dating you. I expect you to be passionate about gender issues and you caring about our kid is just an extension of that" Tweek tells him with a fond smile. 

"I just want them to be happy. I want them to know I'll always support them, even if the issue isn't gender related" Craig says. That's the crux of it really, he wants his baby to be happy.

"I hope they feel that way about me too," Tweek replies. 

"I know they will, I know you'll be such a great dad" Craig grins at his boyfriend. 

"I feel the same way about you. I guess we can keep  _ -nnn- _ believing in one another until we make it true" Tweek suggests self deprecatingly. 

"Tweek, look at all these… the gender neutral section is tiny" Craig says, changing the subject as he looks around the section. 

"Well why don't we pick out a going home outfit from it, vote with  _ -hnn- _ our wallets and stuff" Tweek says to him with a shrug. 

"I suppose so, do you think space and aliens are gender neutral?" Craig asks Tweek. He thinks they are but he isn't sure. 

"They shouldn't be. Why can't both genders enjoy those things?" Tweek replies. 

"People think it's for boys and that annoys me. Women are discouraged for STEM interests and it's shitty" Craig agrees.

"Well, let's get it then. Let's get the  _ -ah- _ space onesie for going home and we can get the dinosaur one and polka dot one too. I don't see why all of those can't be  _ -nghh-  _ gender neutral" Tweek suggests. Craig likes all of those options. He likes space, Tweek likes dinosaurs and the polka dots are a nice neutral pattern. 

"I think that'll be cute," Craig says with a smile. 

"Me too, whatever gender they end up being, the surprise will be  _ -nnn- _ nice" Tweek says, it comes out more like a promise. 

"Definitely I think some mystery will be fun" Craig agrees happily. 

—


	11. Seeing the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for Craig. It's been a dark patch of his life and he's only just beginning to come out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweek upsets Craig and trouble is brewing.

While the last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for Craig. It's been a dark patch of his life and he's only just beginning to come out of it. He's had Tweek and his family to provide some bright spots through the darkness. Feeling the baby move has been helpful too, it keeps him grounded. He dreams of what it will be like to hold them in his arms. To get to know them and help them to become the best person they can be. 

Today he's been feeling a lot better about the whole thing. He's never gonna feel right about his body and all the rapid changes but he's getting used to the fact that he has a baby bump. Today he's getting to see the baby again and he can't wait. Tricia is coming to this ultrasound too. She's been begging him for a while but Craig didn't want to say yes until he was sure Tweek was cool with it. Tweek had no problem of course, but Craig wanted to be sure. It's their baby after all, even if Craig's family are very invested.

Tricia is so keen to see her future niece or nephew. Craig thinks it's super cute that she loves them so much already. He knows she's gonna be a wonderful aunt. He finds her excitement contagious and he's more than happy to let her come see the baby with them. 

Craig is happy to be seeing doctor Appleby again. Now that he's beginning to feel a bit better about himself he realises how much he appreciates having a doctor who makes him feel so comfortable. It makes such a huge difference not having to worry about judgement or ignorance. It helps him feel that she's taking care of the baby, but also himnas well. He feels safe. 

He's not nervous this time, waiting in her office. He still gets weird looks from some other patrons but he finds that he cares less. He has a very supportive backbone with him and a doctor who thinks he's valid. That's what matters, really. Tricia is jiggling her leg next to him, clearly excited. Craig is excited too, he's going to get ro see how much the baby has grown. Craig thinks this is how it's all supposed to feel and it gives him a kind of rush knowing that he actually gets to experience a taste of that. 

"Craig Tucker?" Doctor Appleby calls, bringing them all back to earth. 

Tricia hops up first, over excited. "Come on Craig!" She tells him impatiently. 

Craig smiles to himself as he follows doctor Appleby down the hall.

"You've got the whole entourage" she jokes.

"I'm Tricia" Tricia cuts in immediately "I'm the aunt!"

"Nice to meet you" doctor Appleby replies, "you must be excited."

"Extremely" Craig adds in before Tricia can reply "this is gonna be her first time seeing her niece or nephew."

"That reminds me, do we want to find out the gender today?" She asks Craig and Tweek. 

"No, we decided to  _ -hnn- _ keep it a surprise" Tweek replies, Craig nods in agreement. 

"Oh  _ come on! _ " Tricia groans in frustration. She's dying to know, while Craig gets it, he's not changing his convictions for her. 

"Tricia it's our choice. We don't wanna find out today if that's all good" Craig says, sounding firm and final. 

"You're the patient and it's your choice" doctor Appleby reiterates. 

"Tricia, they don't want to find out the gender because it's not  _ important"  _ his mom says, trying to subtly hint that Craig's own complex relationship with gender might be coming into play here.

"Oh you mean like if Craig had another, mini Craig" Tricia says flippantly, Craig snorts out a laugh. 

"That's  _ -ah-  _ one way to put it," Tweek replies. 

"Having a transgender parent doesn't mean that the child will be too. But it makes sense that you want to be sensitive with your child about the topic of gender" doctor Appleby explains, more for Tricia than anyone else.

"I just want to teach them that it's only as important as they want it to be," Craig says. 

"Yeah, it doesn't really matter to us  _ -nnn- _ either way" Tweek agrees.

"Okay, so are we ready to see this baby?" Doctor Appleby says, changing the subject. 

"Definitely, I feel like it's been forever" Craig replies, hopping up on the table. 

"I think they'll be heaps bigger," Tweek says excitedly. 

"They will have grown a lot, the second trimester is a big period of growth" doctor Appleby agrees as she begins to squeeze gel on Craig's stomach. 

"I can't wait to see them, I've seen the still pictures but I wanna see them moving around live" Tricia grins, leaning in to get a better look at the screen. 

They all look to the screen and wait for the doctor to find the spot. It doesn't take her very long and soon they're faced with an image of their baby, kicking away but looking much bigger than before. The empty space of the cavity of Craig's womb is far less. There's significantly less black space and much more baby. 

"Awww" Tricia coos.

"Look at that" Tweek says happily "they're so much bigger… look at their  _ -nghh- _ legs."

"There's way less free space to kick," Craig points out. 

"You can kind of see their little profile" His mom says with a smile.

"You're probably feeling a lot more movement now," doctor Appleby says to Craig.

"Yeah, Tweeks even felt a kick" Craig replies. 

"I'm still waiting for them to kick for me," Tricia complains. 

"They will," his mom says, trying to shush her. 

Tricia constantly chiming in should annoy him but instead he finds it mildly amusing. She's so unashamedly enthusiastic about their baby, Craig can't help but agree. 

—

Craig is annoyed. He can't help it, he agreed to come out with Tweek tonight. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do much and would be on the sidelines but he hadn't expected Tweek to totally ditch him.

They're at a house party at Stan's house. Stan's dad never keeps the liquor cabinet locked. Tweek is really drunk, which is annoying in itself but since getting pissed he's fucked off somewhere else. It's especially annoying because Tweek was going on about how this is his last chance to party and get drunk. How he never does this and it's just this once. That's all well and good but Craig never got that choice. He didn't have some kind of last hurrah because he wasn't planning on getting pregnant. He doesn't get a last hurrah, in fact, he gets to feel tired all the time, aching back and joints. He gets to carry around a baby and go through all of the physical effects of pregnancy. He never got to choose to have a last hurrah, instead Tweek dragged him here, knowing he'd be sidelined and went and ditched him.

He's just here, sitting on a couch alone. He watches everyone else drunkely chatting, dancing, making out and just having fun. It feels unfair and he really wishes he was at home. He's so busy brooding that he doesn't notice Kenny sitting down next to him.

"What's up man?" He asks Craig, who sighs.

"I'm pregnant at a teenage house party," Craig grumbles. 

"You're mad because you can't drink?" Kenny asks again.

"No, well… yes. Kinda. I'm pissed that I'm very clearly left out and Tweek gets to go do whatever he wants" Craig complains, not bothering to hide his annoyance. 

"Oh, damn. He probably didn't realize that he's hurting your feelings" Kenny offers. Craig knows this but he's stewing instead of having the conversation they need.

"It's just… it's not like I got to have some last minute fun. I didn't get to party it up knowing I was going to get pregnant" Craig tells him. 

"You should tell Tweek that. That you want him to abstain with you" Kenny points out. Craig knows he's right, but emotions are hard and Craig doesn't always know the right way to process his own. 

"I know that, I just didn't think he'd do this. I didn't think he'd go get drunk and ditch me" Craig says bitterly. 

"I guess you're gonna have to have a talk about this when he sobers up" Kenny says.

"Yeah, I'm mad at him," Craig says bluntly. 

"Give yourself some time to cool off" Kenny offers as advice "don't make any big decisions while you're still freshly angry."

"I guess. I just… I hope we're actually gonna be good parents. What if we can't work together and just fight" Craig says. His fears falling out with his words, because what if he and Tweek can't work together. What if Tweek does things like this after the baby is born?

"I know that's probably scary but if you want to be a good parent I'm sure you can do it" Kenny tells him. Craig is confused, hello captain obvious. 

"Of course I want to be," he tells Kenny with a frown. 

"What I mean is, like, if you want something you'll work hard for it" Kenny clarifies.

"I hope so. I just don't want to accidentally fuck them up… I just don't know what I'm doing" Craig admits. This is a person. It's not a game or some kind of trial or test run. He can't take this person back and if he gets something wrong he could screw up a whole life. It's so much pressure. 

"Nobody does. It's a learning curve man, you just have to be willing to try" Kenny encourages him. He appreciates Kenny's faith in him but he's not entirely convinced. 

"How would you even know?" Craig points out. It's not like Kenny has any kids. 

"Well I haven't actually birthed a baby or anything but like, I've been raising my sister since forever. My parents never gave a shit raising us and my brother got into crime… so it's just been me and her" Kenny explains. Craig realises he's right. He's been looking after his sister since they were kids and he is a kind of parental figure to her. Craig's respect for Kenny goes straight up, he now has a new perspective on just how hard this is, being a pregnant teeanger himself. 

"I didn't realise it was actually that bad for you guys" Craig admits, feeling a little bad for being so selfish. 

"It's not ideal but we have each other at least," Kenny says with a nod.

"I guess so, I want my kid to feel safe. Like they have a good, supportive parent in me" Craig tells him.

"Well I think you being so aware of this and wanting it so bad will help you make it happen" Kenny points out. 

"You think so? I'm such a mess some days I don't know how I'm gonna raise another human well" Craig says self deprecatingly. 

"Your kid will see you as a superhero. When they're here try to see what they see. They'll see you with just pure, unconditional love" Kenny says with a smile, Craig wonders if he's imagining what his own kids will be like, one day. 

"It's so intense how much I love them already. I get overwhelmed sometimes" Craig admits. He doesn't know what to do with these feeling sometimes. 

"I think that's probably normal" Kenny assures him "I think both you and Tweek will be great parents."

"Thanks" Craig says "and thanks for keeping me company tonight."

"That's okay dude, I know you feel alone. I just wanted to help you feel less so" Kenny tells him.

Craig can't help but smile at his friend. Tonight, it's definitely worked.

—


	12. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are we gonna talk about it, or what?" Tweek asks him. Craig's been pissy with Tweek since they got back from the party but they haven't actually fought. Tweek knows Craig is mad though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek confront one another after the party.

"Are we gonna talk about it, or what?" Tweek asks him. Craig's been pissy with Tweek since they got back from the party but they haven't actually fought. Tweek knows Craig is mad though. 

"Are you feeling sober enough?" Craig replies back, rolling his eyes.

"Don't be a  _ -nghh- _ dick, Craig" Tweek replies, he really does seem clueless as to what he's done.

" _ I'm  _ the dick? I'm not the one who dragged his pregnant partner to a house party and then ditched him" Craig explodes. He doesn't mean to but this is just too much, he's not the bad guy this time. 

"I'm not allowed to party just because  _ -nnn-  _ you can't?" Tweek replies angrily. 

"I thought you'd show more solidarity! You know I've been so lonely. I always feel like a fish out of water" Craig says back. He thought Tweek would at least try to understand. 

"I wanted to be a  _ -gah- _ teenager for one night, sue me!" Tweek yells. Something in Craig breaks.

"I don't get that Tweek! I can't put being pregnant on the shelf and take a break! This is my life 24/7 for nine months! It's not fair!" Craig yells, a mixture of anger and raw sadness. Nobody understands what his life is like, not even Tweek. He's so desperately alone.

"You're right," Tweek says. Craig hadn't expected him to admit it so easily. 

"I am?" He says, wiping away tears. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't  _ -nghh- _ think about that. You haven't been able to put aside being  _ -ah-  _ pregnant and just be a normal teenager this entire time" Tweek admits.

"Yes, I don't even mind you having a couple of drunks but you got  _ totalled.  _ You left me alone because I was sober and un-fun and I had to go find you almost passed out in Stan's backyard" Craig continues, wanting to get all this emotion out of him. 

"I'm sorry man, I guess I didn't quite see it from  _ -hnn-  _ your perspective. You're right, I didn't treat you right or do the responsible thing. I'll do better next time" Tweek promises, he sounds sad and sincere. Craig closes the space between them with a hug, his belly squished between them. 

"I… Thank you for admitting it. I just wanted you to acknowledge how hard this is for me" Craig tells Tweek. Just being listened to is enough sometimes. 

"I get it, I'm sorry man. I don't know what I would do if I had to  _ -nnn-  _ carry a baby for nine months. You never get a break" Tweek says, placing a hand on the swell of Craig's stomach as they part.

"Well maybe we'll just equalise the load once the baby is born" Craig suggests, it's really all Tweek can do until they're born. Craig's doing all the work until then. 

"I'll do  _ -gah- _ everything right after they're born. You will have done all the hard work in labour. You'll probably be tired and sore and stuff… I'll be the best baby daddy ever" Tweek promises. Craig believes him, Tweek has always been there for him but he's a human being and last night was a mistake. Craig's sure they'll both make many more along the way but at least they know they can get through them together. 

"You  _ are  _ the best baby daddy ever and I love you. Us having a disagreement doesn't make you a bad partner. In fact you being willing to listen to me and own up to your mistakes makes you a  _ great  _ partner" Craig encourages Tweek, not wanting him to feel too bad about everything. 

"Thanks, I really just didn't think last night. I feel  _ -nghh-  _ stupid now" Tweek says, rubbing his thumb in affectionate circles over Craig's stomach. 

"You're okay," Craig tells him. He moves Tweeks hand over a little to where the baby is being more active. 

"The baby is kicking," Tweek says, sounding a little less sad. 

"They're happy we made up," Craig says with a smile. 

"Listen, I love you. Both of you and I'll always be here for you. Last night will never  _ -nnn-  _ happen again" Tweek says seriously, he leans down to press a kiss to Craig's stomach.

"I love you too" Craig tells him as Tweek comes back up to his level and presses his lips against Craig's. 

"Hey nerds,  _ ew"  _ says a voice that is absolutely Tricia's. Craig doesn't have to look to know who interrupted their moment. 

"What do you want Tricia?" Craig asks with an eyeroll. 

"If you have nothing better to do, like suck face, wanna play mario kart?" She asks, making a face when Tweek gives Craig another quick peck. 

"I do, how about you?" Craig asks Tweek. It's something they can all do together. They can just chill on the couch, trash talk each other as they play the game and just be teenagers. This sounds like the perfect thing for them to do, now that Craig thinks about it. 

"Yeah okay, sounds good" Tweek replies with a small smile. 

"Good cause I'm gonna beat both your asses" Tricia says with an evil glee before racing downstairs. Craig, with his baby bump, doesn't bother trying to race her.

"You wish!" He just calls after her. 

Craig has more fun than he has in a while. He doesn't always win but that doesn't really matter. He enjoys the friendly competition and gets really caught up in the game.

They play for a while with no cares in the world and it's nice. It's nice to remember he is just a kid sometimes and he needs an outlet like everyone else. For a few hours he doesn't think about babies or labour or if he and Tweek are gonna make good parents. He just gets lost in the moment and enjoys himself.

Until the pain starts. 

"Ow" he says, dropping the controller and allowing his character to crash over to the side.

"Haha loser!" Tricia says smugly as her character surpasses his.

Tweek hits pause on the game.

"Hey!" Tricia complains "I was winning!" 

Tweek ignores her.

"Are you okay?" He asks Craig.

"My belly hurts" Craig admits "down here" he says, placing a hand over his lower belly. "Ow!" He complains again as the area tightens.

"Oh shit" Tricia says "is the baby coming?" 

"It's too early," Craig says, rubbing his belly, wanting relief. 

"The pain in your voice says otherwise" Tweek says with concern. "I'm gonna  _ -nghh- _ get your mom," he says.

Craig groans "I don't want them to come now" he says to Tricia "they're heavy and take up all the room in my stomach and kick me but I don't want them to come early."

"It'll be okay" Tricia says "mom will know what to do."

She does. She always does. Craig doesn't know what he'd do without his mother.

"What does it feel like?" She asks him when she and Tweek return.

"Cramps" Craig says "bad cramps. It's all tight."

"Do you get a break between them or is it just pure discomfort?" She asks him.

"No break" Craig says "my stomach feels sore and I feel kinda sick."

"Like it's your time of the month?" She asks, cautiously, knowing he doesn't like talking about that stuff. But Craig can acknowledge that at this moment it's important. 

"Yes," he answers.

"I think it's just Braxton hicks" she tells him "maybe have a hot bath and see if they get better. If things get worse, then I'll take you to the hospital, okay?"

"Okay" Craig says, he's still uncomfortable, but he feels much more relieved knowing this is probably false labour. 

—

The Braxton Hicks pass and Craig has to get on with his life. He feels he's way too pregnant for school but his mom disagrees and makes him go. He knows he'll be able to have time off soon, but it still doesn't feel soon enough. 

He wakes up that morning to find his innie belly button now an outie and his belly even bigger than before. Craig was really beginning to think it couldn't get any bigger. Carrying his stomach around school is difficult and he's over it. He wants his body back and his baby in his arms already. 

Tweek thinks it's really cool, Craig thinks his stomach looks mutated. They just have to agree to disagree, but Craig won't say no to any extra attention Tweek lavishes on him. He lets Tweek touch his stomach and kiss it in public. 

Now though, he's uncomfortable. He's sitting at the table during his art class and finding being in the same position for prolonged periods so he can paint to be difficult. Craig is using watercolors but the smell of other students acrylic paint is making him feel a bit sick. He does his best to ignore it. 

He's not that good at art but it's something he can take and try to learn something. Tweek is in an art class for more advanced students. Craig sits next to Bebe, who Craig thinks is much better than him at art but she's not all that interested. Craig wishes he could just whip up a nice work without trying, but he can't. He's trying to paint his latest ultrasound image. His teacher hadn't wanted him too at first but he'd convinced her that he could still make something dimensional with just black and white. It's difficult for him, but he's really trying his best.

"It's so cute that you're painting your baby" Bebe says, she herself is sketching Clyde. Which Craig also finds very sweet.

"You're drawing your boyfriend" he points out "that's also very sweet."

"I love him" she says with a smile "I can't wait till we can have our own baby."

"Wait until you're like, thirty" Craig says, a little bit sarcastically. 

"I can't wait that long. It's like… all my life I've wanted kids. And now I've met Clyde and I just know he's the right person" she says, going a little misty eyed.

"I'm being serious, Bebe, wait until you're older," Craig tells her.

"You didn't" she counteracts. 

"I know and it's not that I'd take my baby back. I wouldn't but I know I should have waited. I would have been able to give them way more" he tries to explain to her. 

"I never actually thought you'd be the one to get pregnant in high school. I really did think it'd be me" she says. It's weird that she thinks this but also wants it for herself. That innate desire to be a parent isn't something Craig could relate too before he got pregnant. 

"It can happen to anyone who isn't careful" Craig says, he sure learned his lesson. 

"I know, I just… this all feels pointless sometimes. Going through school when I know all I really want is to be a mom" she tells him, sounding frustrated. Craig feels a little bit sorry for her, he doesn't know what it's like to want a baby so young so badly. Yet, he's having one.

"It's not pointless. Being educated means you can teach your future kids more and you can provide them a much more comfortable life. I know it probably won't change your mind but… slow down. Enjoy having fun, dates with your boyfriend… all that stuff. Let yourself experience being a teenager, then, when you're older and ready you can be the best mom you can be" he tries to explain to her. He wants her to see that being a kid isn't all bad and having kids isn't necessarily all fun times and rainbows. 

"I guess. Seeing you pregnant has just, really made me want to get pregnant too… I know it's silly" she admits.

"Wanting to be a mom isn't silly, having that as your goal isn't silly either. What would be silly would be to do it before you're ready" Craig tells her sincerely. 

"Clyde would be a good dad though, don't you think?" She asks him. He thinks Clyde could have potential, yeah. But now he's nowhere near ready for that kind of responsibility. 

"I think he could be, yeah. I think he needs some more time to grow up though… he's well meaning and sweet but he's immature. He needs to mature naturally on his own instead of being forced to by unexpected fatherhood" Craig tells her.

"I hate how logical you are. I just want a cute little baby" Bebe says, nudging him playfully. 

"I know Bebe, but I just… as someone who got pregnant so unexpectedly… I just want you to know that it's hard and I wouldn't encourage anyone else to purposely choose this path" Craig says, he wants to really get it through to her. 

"I know, I know" she sighs. 

"You'll be a great mom when it's the right time, Bebe," he tells her.

"Thanks, you're gonna be a great dad too" she says, pulling him into a kind of awkward side hug. It's awkward, especially with his belly, but it's still nice. 

"You can babysit mine" he offers her and she laughs.

"Don't joke because I will," she laughs.

—


	13. The Adult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How are you? I -nghh- missed you today" Tweek says, flopping onto the bed before resting his head on Craig's stomach. 
> 
> "Bored" Craig admits "I just want them out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig goes into labour. TW for talk of labour and panic attacks.

By the time Craig is off school he isn't able to enjoy it. He's really uncomfortable, and extremely close to giving birth. His belly has dropped and the muscles are tightening and aching every day. His body is getting ready and Craig is ready to get going. He's ready to get his body back and to have his insides no longer squished by his little one. 

He wishes he could enjoy the sleep-ins, rest and just doing nothing everyday. He wishes that he could but he's so uncomfortable and bored. Tweek is still going to school and Craig finds himself doing a lot of staring at the wall. It's hard for him to concentrate on just about anything that he might enjoy like watching a movie or playing a video game. So it's just a lot of being uncomfortable and bored. He waits until Tweek comes home because at least Tweek will rub his back and help him feel a little better.

He's relieved when Tweek comes bounding up to the bedroom, done with his day at school. 

"How are you? I  _ -nghh-  _ missed you today" Tweek says, flopping onto the bed before resting his head on Craig's stomach. 

"Bored" Craig admits "I just want them out."

"Do you wanna go for a  _ -hnn-  _ walk?" Tweek suggests "I heard that can start labor."

"Yeah" Craig says "only because I want to get out of the house."

"We can walk to  _ -ah- _ 7/11 to get snacks?" Tweek asks.

"I won't say no to snacks" Craig says, holding his hands out to Tweek "help me up."

"Sure, sexy" Tweek says with a cheeky grin, helping Craig up off the bed.

"Oh, shut up" Craig laughs.

"No, you are" Tweek tells him, linking his hand with Craig's "I know you don't feel like you are, but I think you're super sexy. And strong, and you amaze me  _ -gah-  _ everyday. Being pregnant must be really hard and you just take it like a champ."

"I mean, I've been a huge mess…" Craig shrugs, blushing a little at Tweeks praise. 

"I think you've been normal, exactly how I would be if I were you" Tweek says as they head out the front door.

It's only a short walk to 7/11. Which is why Craig can manage it in his state. He hopes the walk will get things going, he's afraid of labour but he can't take the discomfort of pregnancy anymore. He's scared of the pain definitely, but he just hopes that he can push himself through it and that having his baby in his arms will make it all worth it.

Tweek walks at a slower pace to match Craig's and keeps an arm around Craig's waist supportively. Craig appreciates this, while they're going slower, it's more comfortable for Craig. 

"I just hope I won't be so crazy as a parent" Craig says "I don't want to be an emotional mess who can't look after their kid."

"I don't think you will be" Tweek reassures him "your hormones will eventually  _ -nghh-  _ settle but if you feel like you're not coping mentally I'll help you. We can go to the doctor or whatever… Postpartum depression is a real thing and I don't want you to  _ -ah-  _ suffer."

"Thank you, I appreciate that you've thought about it and about me. I'm not saying I'll get it. I just know this pregnancy has been difficult for me" Craig says.

"I know, I  _ -nnn-  _ really hope you feel better once they're here" Tweek tells him.

"I mean I don't think anyone feels great right after pushing out a kid but I'm sure I will be," Craig says. Tweek squeezes his hand.

"I love you, so whatever you need when they come, I'll do it" Tweek promises.

"You're sweet, you gotta let me support you too" Craig says, nudging Tweek playfully. 

"Let's agree to  _ -nghh- _ look after one another," Tweek tells him.

"Okay" Craig says, giving Tweeks cheek a quick peck "love you."

"Love you too" Tweek hums happily "I know you're worried about being a  _ -nnn- _ good parent but you being so worried makes me think you'll do just fine. A lot of  _ -ah-  _ bad parents aren't aware of their bad behavior or don't care. You care so much, I think you'll be wonderful."

"That's actually really helpful Tweek, that makes me feel kinda better" Craig admits. 

"I'm so glad, I  _ -hnn-  _ have full faith in you" Tweek tells him. 

"I have full faith in you too," Craig replies sincerely. 

"I just realised" Tweek says "this might be our last outing before we become parents."

"It might… it's not likely I'm gonna feel up to going out on a date somewhere or anything, sorry" Craig says, in an ideal wod maybe they'd try going to City Wok again or something but Craig knows it's not gonna happen. 

"It's fine, I think this kinda  _ -ah-  _ suits us. Two teenage parents going for a  _ -nghh- _ low budget date to 7/11 for snacks" Tweek says. He's right too, they've always preferred low key things like eating McDonalds on the car to sit down restaurants. This is just who they are. 

"I like that a lot actually" Craig admits "we might as well try and be kids since we're gonna be dads in the next few days."

"I'm gonna be someone's dad" Tweek says, grinning and going misty eyed.

Craig can't help but share his enthusiasm. 

—

Craig shifts uncomfortably in bed. He's been achy and muscles tight on and off all day but he's just assumed it was the Braxton Hicks he's become so used to. It's been steadily getting worse but he's still not sure if it's actual labour. He knows he's uncomfortable though. His stomach keeps tightening periodically and he has some awful cramps. His back hurts a lot too. He's been lying on his side with a pillow under his belly trying to sleep but just isn't able.

Tweek is sleeping next to him and Craig doesn't want to wake him unless he's sure. It would be so embarrassing to wake everyone up, make a fuss, maybe even go all the way to the hospital just for it to be a false alarm. So he just stays where he is, trying to breathe through the cramping pain when it comes. 

He still feels nervous about giving birth. He can't explain it, even though he's uncomfortable being pregnant and wants it over, he's just so terrified of the pain. How is he going to get this baby out of him? It's all really overwhelming and Craig kind of just wishes it wasn't happening. Why can't the baby just come painlessly? 

"Craig?" A voice whispers from beside him, Tweek clearly having woken up "you've gone all stiff Craig."

"Go back to sleep, I'm ok" he tries to say through the pain.

"You're not though, I heard you  _ -gah- _ making noises. You're in pain" Tweek asserts. Damn it, there's no fooling him. 

"Why do you have to know me so well?" Craig says, taking some breaths as the pain subsides. 

"Are you having contractions?" Tweek asks worriedly. 

"Maybe, might just be strong Braxton Hicks"

"Craig you're literally overdue and about to  _ -gah-  _ pop. It's probably labour at this stage" Tweek points out, he's not wrong. 

"Well, it's early if it is so don't panic" Craig says matter of factly. 

"What do you wanna do then?" Tweek asks him. Craig isn't really sure, he doesn't think it's hospital time yet. 

"Stay here and rest some more, see what happens" Craig replies, he figures resting can't hurt. Labouring and pushing take energy, he might as well conserve his before the pain gets unbearable. 

"Okay, I guess" Tweek says, unsure "I'm keeping an eye on you though." 

Craig can't help but feel a bit self conscious, knowing that he is in pain and Tweek is watching. He's conscious about how he responds, if he makes a noise involuntarily or stiffens his muscles. He doesn't want to give Tweek the impression that the pain is getting worse. But it is. 

The breaks between the contractions are getting shorter and his stomach muscles tighter. The pressure in his pelvis and stomach mounting and it's getting harder and harder not to have a physical response. 

"Craig, we should probably  _ -ah-  _ get your mom," Tweek says.

"It's not time," Craig replies. 

"It is dude, I don't know why you're  _ -nghh- _ trying to hide it, but you're in labour" Tweek tells him.

"Because I'm afraid," Craig admits sheepishly. 

"Of the pain?" Tweek asks. 

"Yes. Of all of it, I'll be someone's dad" Craig says, uncomfortable. 

"I know you'll do amazing. That probably isn't much  _ -ah- _ help now, but I know you can do this" Tweek encourages. 

"Thank you I just  _ ughhh…"  _ pain cuts him off. 

"It's okay, when the  _ -nnn- _ pain stops I'm gonna go get your mom. I don't think we can wait anymore" Tweek says, taking charge. 

True to his word, Tweek stays beside him, steady, as the waves of pain continue to grasp at him. Tweek stays, rubbing his back until the pain begins to subside and Craig is catching his breath. 

"It's over" he says "for now."

"Hold tight," Tweek says as he leaves the room.

It's happening. He's going to push out a kid tonight. That kid is his and he will be their dad. The kid will be entirely dependent on Tweek and himself. He's responsible. He's the adult. Holy shit. 

His mom is no-nonsense when she gets there. She makes Tweek time his contractions and rings the hospital straight away. They decide to come in and get checked out because of all the pressure Craig is complaining of. Pressure might mean it's time to push.

"Do you think they'll let me have an epidural?" Craig asks on the drive over.

"They will when you've progressed enough in your labour" his mom tells him "but if you're too far gone then they can't."

"What does too far gone mean?" He asks nervously. 

"I highly doubt that will be you, you'd probably be screaming if it was" she says, it doesn't actually reassure him very much. 

"You think I can still get one then?" He asks. God, he doesn't know what he'll do if he has to do this without one.

"I think so, yes," she says.

"I just want you to not be in  _ -hnn-  _ pain" Tweek says sympathetically. 

"I'm sure you will be able to get an epidural very soon" his mom tries to assure them.

Craig is seen almost as soon as he gets to the maternity ward. They're expecting him and have a triage room ready for assessment. He can't help but panic when a nurse tries to give him an internal examination. He knew deep down that people would have to touch him down there but he really hasn't mentally prepared himself enough. 

"I know, I'm so sorry" she says "I promise I'll be quick."

The assessment itself is different because Craig didn't expect himself to have such an adverse reaction to being checked. Maybe it's the pain and fear heightening everything, he doesn't know but his reaction is panic. But he does manage to get assessed. He's admitted but they tell him he needs to labour a little longer before he can have the epidural. Craig kind of wants everyone to stop touching him so he doesn't argue. 

The nurse herself is nice though, she tries to be comforting when doing such a distressing thing. She seems sympathetic towards him and afterwards she promises to make a note for other nurses and the doctor that he needs extra support during internal assessments. He apologises to her too when it's over. He can't really explain his behaviour. 

She also sets up monitors to monitor the baby's heartbeat and stress levels. 

"Do you think you might let me break your waters?" She asks him cautiously. 

"I don't know" Craig replies "I might freak out again."

"Breaking the waters tends to move things along, which might mean you could get your epidural sooner but I don't want to distress you" she explains to him.

"Can you try in a bit?" He asks. He needs a bit more time to cope with the hospital surroundings.

"Absolutely" she tells him with a warm smile.

—


	14. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm gonna have a baby" Craig says happily, earning a giggle from Tweek. 
> 
> "You're so -ah- high babe" he says.
> 
> "He's nice and calm" the nurse says "that's what we want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for labour, c-section talk as well as nursing talk.  
> I don't think what the nurse did in this chapter was right, but I do think that it's possible that a nurse would put pressure on new parents to nurse,

Craig doesn't know why but he's distressed. It's more than being in pain. He doesn't want anyone to touch him, not a nurse, doctor, his mom or even Tweek. He doesn't mean to cause so much drama and stress, but the nurse he has is super understanding. 

She doesn't force him to do anything. Instead she talks to him, letting him know everything she intends to do and why. But the anxiety mixed with pain isn't proving for rational results. Craig feels terrible, and he's struggling to do the job at hand. He wanted to be the calm centre of focus, getting the job done with determination but he just can't manage it. 

"I think maybe we should talk about other options" the nurse says, she's trying her best to sound calm "I think we might need to consider some kind of sedative if you can't calm down" she tells him "I'm not trying to blame you, and you're not doing anything wrong but we won't get anywhere when you're upset and can't concentrate. It's only going to stress you and stress your baby… the only thing is it's more likely you'll need a c-section if we go that route."

"Is this something we can do?" His mom replies "I can't take seeing him so distressed."

"I'm sorry" Craig manages to say "I'm sorry the pain is just making me crazy I can't focus… I'm sorry" he rambles.

Tweek squeezes Craig's hand "you have nothing to be  _ -gah-  _ sorry for" he tells Craig.

"It's just that we can't place an epidural if you can't calm down honey" she says "you need to stay still."

"I know" Craig tries not to cry "I know I'm trying."

"I know you are," she says.

Tweek nods "you're doing good."

"It's really not uncommon for people to freak out a bit during labour and there are instances where sometimes people get very distressed and can't manage the labour. That's okay honey, nobody is blaming you but I think we should check the baby's heartbeat, check yours and have a doctor assess whether you're okay to do this" she explains "parental distress is just as important as fetal distress, as everything you do also impacts your baby."

  
  


"I think that's a great idea, what do you think honey?" His mom asks.

Craig nods. He doesn't know what else to do at this point. 

The doctor assesses him, and decides both heart rates are too high and both baby and parent are in significant distress. The anesthesiologist is called, and the doctor explains that Craig will be sedated so that they can place an epidural. Because he's already so exhausted and they don't want to wait any longer, it's decided that he'll have a c-section once the epidural has taken effect. 

Craig agrees, he can't see another way forward at this point. 

The sedation he's given is very minor. He's still awake but it calms him down enough to allow the anaesthetist to place the epidural. Craig doesn't remember it that well if he's honest. His eyelids feel heavy, but he can stay still at least. The epidural itself takes a little while to kick in but the sedative is enough to keep Craig from freaking out again. 

"The baby may not cry when they come out" the doctor warns him as they're prepping for his surgery "that's because the sedative we gave you, they get too. So they may be a little sleepy but it doesn't mean there's something wrong." 

"Did I hurt them?" He asks, feeling hazy. 

"Not at all" the doctor assures him "sometimes these measures have to be taken. Childbirth is very unpredictable and it rarely goes to plan. Don't feel bad about any of this, okay?" 

"Okay" is all Craig can say. Everything is fuzzy, and his eyelids are still heavy. He wants to be more alert but he knows it's not going to be possible. He just has to keep it together now, and the baby will be there soon.

"You've done amazing in  _ -hnn-  _ my opinion" Tweek tells him.

Only Tweek is allowed in the operating theatre, as is hospital protocol. Craig would've loved his mom in there too but he can only have one person. It has to be Tweek, Tweek has to see his children come into the world.

"We might have to help the baby breathe when they're born" a nurse explains to him "so we'll probably take them straight over to the warmer, make sure they're breathing and give them help if they need it. Once that's all clear we will bring them over to you. We'll bring the baby up to your face so you can see them and we will let dad have a hold, sounds good?"

Craig nods. "When can I hold them?" He asks.

"Not until after your surgery is over, but afterwards you can hold your baby all you like" she replies.

"Okay" Craig says "as long as you take care of them."

"I will," she says with a smile. 

"Okay Craig" the doctor announces "we're ready to begin."

"Our baby is coming!" Tweek says excitedly. 

Craig is thankful for the sedation because he mostly just closes his eyes and waits. He probably would be freaking out if he wasn't. It's mostly just a weird feeling. He feels them pressing and pulling at his stomach but it doesn't hurt. 

"Baby's coming now" the doctor says. 

"I'm gonna have a baby" Craig says happily, earning a giggle from Tweek. 

"You're so  _ -ah- _ high babe" he says.

"He's nice and calm" the nurse says "that's what we want."

"Okay everyone" the doctor says "Here's your baby! You've got a boy!" 

"A boy!" Craig hums. The doctor lifts the baby boy up over the sheet, as stated, he isn't crying but he looks at Craig with his squinty newborn eyes. Craig knows he's okay.

"Can I  _ -gah-  _ cut the cord?" Tweek asks.

"Of course" the doctor says "but be quick."

Craig watches as the nurse takes their son over to the warmer. He starts to cry once he's been rubbed down a few times by nurses. 

"He's loud" Craig remarks.

"He's strong," Tweek replies. 

"He's doing really well," the nurse says "I'll bring him over now."

She brings him to Craig first, she puts him right next to Craig's face so that Craig's face touches his son's. He stops crying once their skin has touched. Craig is still sedated, but he knows enough to know this is love. This baby knows him, this baby knows exactly who his dad is and knows where he is safe. Craig has never felt a love so deep in his life.

"Look at him" Tweek says "he's  _ -nghh-  _ so transfixed."

"He wants to get a good look at his daddy" the nurse replies. 

The baby is looking around, taking in his surroundings but he keeps looking back to Craig. Staring in awe, and happy to be with him. He stares at Craig intently, like he just knows that Craig will love him and protect him. Craig can't take his eyes off of him either. 

"He knows he's safe with you," the nurse says happily. 

"I love him," Craig says. 

"He loves you too," Tweek says, his eyes wet with tears.

"Should dad have a hold?" The nurse asks, referring to Tweek.

Craig nods, wiping his own tears as Tweek is handed the small bundle.

—

Craig has to sleep after the surgery. Almost as soon as he holds his new son he passes out. The sedation wins in the end, he has a solid few hours sound asleep. When he wakes up he feels so guilty that he slept while his son is just hours old. Tweek steps in though, he holds their new son and gives him all his attention. 

Tweek is currently asleep, Craig isn't sure where but the nurses informed him that he needed to get some rest and that he'll be back soon. Craig wants to see him but he understands. His labour was a long, stressful process and he understands that his family also needs rest.

The nurse wakes him because she wants to know about feeding. He wakes feeling groggy and sore. His belly hurts, where he had the surgery but his chest hurts too. 

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to feed him?" She asks Craig.

"My chest hurts" Craig complains groggily. 

"That's cause your milk is coming in, do you want to try feeding him?" She asks. 

"No he needs a bottle" Craig says, wanting to go back to sleep.

"Okay, but why don't we just try? If you can get him to latch you'll feel a lot better" she encourages him. Craig doesn't quite know what to say. 

"I just want them gone" he moans.

"I know honey, but you know it's perfectly normal for you to feed him. Plenty of men like you do, did you know that?" She explains to him. Honestly Craig didn't. He hadn't looked up anything regarding the issue because he hadn't wanted to touch it. 

"No," he says quietly. 

"Sometimes they call it chestfeeding to help dysphoria, or just nursing. It's okay if you don't want to, but men can and do nurse too and do badass jobs" she continues explaining. 

Craig isn't sure. He didn't want to before but now he's here, he has those big dark eyes and he looks so lovely. Craig's so full of new emotions he isn't sure anymore. Maybe it would be okay, it might help them strengthen their bond.

"I want to maybe… I don't know. I didn't want to but then he looked at me like that… maybe I do want to do this for him" he admits. He's still very unsure. If he's honest he doesn't even know what this body he inhabits now is like. 

"Do you want to just try? If you hate it we can try something else. Like pumping, or formula… whatever you feel works" she asks him. 

"I guess I can try. If I hate it can we stop?" He replies, he wants to try at least. Then he can say he did as long as he's allowed an out. 

"Absolutely, if it's not for you then it's not for you but it's worth trying" she says.

She brings him in, he's fussing in her arms all bundled up in hospital blankets. He looks so cute in his little hospital beanie. 

"He's ready to eat, I think," she says, smiling.

Craig doesn't really know how this works but she helps him get the nursing bra undone and the baby in a good position. 

"Does he have a name yet?" The nurse asks. 

"Ariel" Craig says quietly "we had unisex names picked out."

"That's nice, he's already interested, look," she says. Ariel is making little noises and looking around for a nipple. 

"What do I do?" Craig asks.

"Let him find it" she says, "he's gonna get there."

And he does, he latches almost immediately. Craig is looking down in amazement as he just does it. Naturally, with no help from him. 

"How is he doing that?" Craig asks.

"It's his instincts. Not all babies latch that perfectly though. You're a natural" she says with a smile. "Are you comfortable to keep going?" She asks him.

"Yeah" he says "it feels weird but he's doing okay. And I'm not freaking out" Craig replies. Surprised in himself, if he's honest. He didn't think he'd be able to do this, or that Ariel would be so good at it. He didn't expect it to feel okay, but it's kind of making him realise that it's not making him less of a man or a dad. 

Ariel looks up at him from where he is eating. His eyes are big and dark, but he looks happy. He blinks at Craig, he seems to feel safe and it causes a warm feeling to rise in his chest. He makes a few satisfied noises as he eats. Craig can't believe that he is his, this beautiful boy is his son. He gets to love him, cherish him and even feed him. It feels better than he thought it would. The bond is already so strong and he's so in love. Having him was hard. Bringing him into the world was harder. But now he's here Craig feels that everything was worth it. He's probably never gonna have another kid after Ariel, he's probably going to get top surgery and go on hormones whenever he can afford it. So he can do this one thing, he can try and nurse Ariel and just see how it goes.

Ariel is still looking up at him, but his eyes begin to droop sleepily. They flutter closed and he begins to sleep, still sucking. 

"He's right where he needs to be, I think," Craig says, voice filled with love. 

—


	15. Ariel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So today he expects to see Tweek and his mom but instead he is met by Tweek, Clyde, Bebe, Token, Jimmy and Kenny.
> 
> "Congratulations!" Bebe squeals excitedly "you better let me hold him!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig receives a visit from friends as he adjusts to parenthood.

Craig decides to just do it. He decides that he will pump and bottle feed as well but he'll give nursing a go. He felt weird about it before but now that he's actually doing it, it's okay. He doesn't think he'll do it for a whole two years and he's definitely not going to nurse exclusively but being able to feed Ariel makes him feel kind of happy. It's something only he can do and he feels so close to his son. For now it's okay, he might choose to stop soon but now he can manage it.

He expected to be kind of miserable after having Ariel. He knew he'd be tired and sore. That he'd probably be relieved to no longer be in pain or pregnant but he had expected his hormones to make him feel messed up. He expected to feel more dysphoria in all honesty. He still feels it, but it's not overwhelming right now. He finds himself far more focused on the newborn he just birthed. More than anything he actually feels proud, proud that he did this and proud that his son is so beautiful. 

"I'm pissed that the nurse cornered you when you were  _ -gah- _ alone" Tweek says as Craig feeds Ariel. He's so natural at it, Craig can't believe how quickly he's gotten used to it. 

"Do you want me to  _ not  _ nurse him?" Craig asks, his eyes fixated on Ariel's big dark ones, looking up at him as he eats.

"No, I'm happy if you're  _ -nnn- _ happy. I just think she should've waited until you were less vulnerable" Tweek points out.

Craig gets where Tweek is coming from. The conversation happened when he still had drugs in his system, he was utterly worn out from hours of labour, sore from surgery and had no support system present. It is kinda shady, and Craig wishes it could have happened differently but he doesn't want to go back now. He's happy with his decision. 

"She did kind of corner you when you were your most vulnerable sweetheart," his mom says. 

"I guess, but I'm okay. I'm happy I tried this, look how good he is at it" Craig says, smiling at his sweet boy. 

"I'm glad it's working for you honey. We just want to make sure you don't feel under pressure to keep doing it" his mom tells him. He knows her concern is genuine and he does appreciate that she and Tweek are checking in on him.

"Yeah, that's all I  _ -ah-  _ care about Craig. If you wanna keep doing it I'll support you" Tweek says, bottom line that's what's important. 

"Thanks for looking out for me. Maybe it was kind of shady to do it the way she did it but I'm glad I tried it. I like having this connection with him" Craig says, bringing Ariel up to his shoulder to burp him. He's sleepy because he's full but Craig thinks he'll still burp. 

"Okay honey" his mom says "as long as you're happy."

"If it gets really bad I'll pump or we can give him formula" Craig asserts "but for now I'm okay."

"It can be a really great experience, nursing I mean but it doesn't always go to plan" she tells him. 

"I mean, I'm proud of you" Tweek says "you went through  _ -nghh- _ hell to have that baby. And now you're gonna nurse him… I'm in awe of your strength."

"Thank you babe" Craig replies "you were behind me the whole time."

"We're parents now" Tweek says "I changed a  _ -hnn-  _ diaper and everything."

"I haven't done that yet!" Craig says with a laugh.

"You're recovering" Tweek replies "when you're healed I'll let you  _ -gah- _ change all the diapers." 

"I'll definitely use the  _ I feed the baby  _ card" Craig jokes, Tweek smiles at him fondly.

"You're perfect," Tweek says with a lopsided grin.

"I'm definitely not" Craig replies "but our baby is."

"He is" Tweek agrees "can I  _ -nnn-  _ hold him soon?"

"When he burps you can put him to sleep" Craig says. 

"You're the boss already" Tweek laughs "I've always been a sucker for you."

"I think it goes both ways here" Craig tells him "we both have our moments?"

"Are you feeling any better though? Like, your  _ -nghh-  _ belly and that?" Tweek asks, concerned. 

"It still hurts but it feels better" Craig says, Ariel burps at his shoulder so Craig hands him over to Tweek. He fusses a little being passed around with a full tummy but he settles into Tweeks arms easily. Craig is confident Tweek will get him to sleep.

Craig has a weird feeling of hope he can't explain. He had felt so anxious about this time throughout his entire pregnancy but now that he's living through it he just feels like they're gonna be okay. He and Tweek are working together well and communicating. And Craig is seriously enjoying being a parent. He knew he would love his son but he hadn't predicted that he'd love being a parent this much. 

He doesn't think he'll have another child. He has Ariel now and while he does think Ariel was worth all the pain and the difficulty he doesn't see the need to do it again. Ariel is enough. He hasn't had the conversation with Tweek but he thinks Tweek will respect that it's his body and therefore respect his decision. He trusts Tweek with this kind of emotional decision. Craig is happy that he got the experience to have Ariel though. He got to carry his child, and that was a unique experience for him. He realises there are other ways to have kids too, in the future if they decide that they do want more. Not until they're much older though, Craig loves Ariel but he's more than enough for now. They're too young to have one child, let alone multiple. Ariel has to be their main focus for now. Ariel shares DNA of both him and the love of his life. If Ariel is the only child he ever has, at least he has the best dad in Tweek. 

—

Craig is still in the hospital. He and Ariel are both okay but he's just being monitored after the dramatic effort that was his labour. He should be allowed to go home either tomorrow or the next day. Craig is so ready to go home, his stomach hurts but he knows that's all part of postpartum recovery. He could have a sore stomach at home, that's not a big deal. He hates the hospital, the machines are always beeping, babies are crying and nurses are always checking him. He knows the hospital staff always mean well but he's ready to be home. He's ready to be back in a familiar environment. 

He's also ready to hopefully just have some time alone. Well, he knows he won't be alone with a baby but he'd like to have a moment where he, Tweek and Ariel can just be a family for a little while. He appreciates the help, but he needs a moment to appreciate his little family. 

He's been doing okay. He's tired from nursing and the general care of a newborn but he'd just rather be at home at this point. It still aches when he moves around too much or laughs but he figures abdominal muscles don't heal overnight. He also has had some postpartum cramps and contractions but they're manageable, the pain medication he's on for post-op pain covers all of that. 

Today he expects to see Tweek and his family. Tricia has been so happy to have met her nephew. She took about a million pictures with them and posted them all to facebook gushing about how excited she is to be an aunt. It melts Craig's heart honestly. 

So today he expects to see Tweek and his mom but instead he is met by Tweek, Clyde, Bebe, Token, Jimmy and Kenny.

"Congratulations!" Bebe squeals excitedly "you better let me hold him!"

"I didn't know you guys were coming" Craig says. He's happy to see his friends but he panics a little, he's been nursing and has milk on his shirt. His stomach is still swollen, just less so. He wasn't exactly ready to see people, he feels weirdly vulnerable. 

"Surprise!" Tweek says with a smile. 

"I'm kind of a mess" Craig says, in all honesty his chest kind of hurts. Either he needs to feed Ariel soon or pump but he doesn't want to do either with his friends present. 

"You look fine" Token says, he's trying to be comforting but he doesn't really get it. Craig tries to ignore his insecurities as best he can and enjoy the celebratory atmosphere with his friends. 

"You're doing good considering all that you went through" Kenny says "Tweek said it was rough."

"It wasn't how I wanted it to go" Craig says "but he's here and that's what matters."

"Can I please hold him?" Bebe asks "I've been dying to this whole time."

"Craig?" Tweek asks.

"Yeah, you can hold him, just ah, you have to support his head" Craig says "Tweek can show you." 

"How are you d-doing though?" Jimmy asks him.

Craig watches Tweek hand over Ariel cautiously to Bebe. He's a little distracted by this and doesn't answer Jimmy straight away. He feels a bit protective over Ariel actually, he hadn't expected himself to be so nervous. But he is, Bebe is his age, she doesn't know anything about babies. Maybe he should have said no? 

"Hey Craig?" Clyde says "earth to Craig?"

"Oh, I'm sorry" Craig replies, still watching Tweek and Bebe. Tweek seems to be doing just fine showing Bebe how to support Ariel properly. He breathes a sigh of relief, unsure why he felt so anxious so suddenly. 

"I'm okay, it hurts but that's normal" he says "I'm managing I think."

"That's good" Clyde replies "If you ever get depressed bro, I'm here."

"Thanks" Craig says with a laugh, reminded why he loves Clyde so much "I'm not depressed, I'm happy. Having him has been good for me." 

"Clyde, give him the gifts" Bebe says, hinting to her boyfriend less than subtly. 

"Oh shit, yeah" Clyde says "Bebe found the cutest gift for you! Bebe picked it but it's from me too."

"You didn't have to," Craig says.

"We wanted to," Bebe says, "I'm living vicariously through you. Tweek can you take a selfie of us?" She asks. Tweek obliges. 

"Yeah, it's really cute. We didn't know if he was gonna be a boy or a girl" Clyde explains "so it's in a neutral colour."

"Thanks, we're not into gendered colours anyway" Craig says with a smile.

"Like  _ -nghh- _ all his outfits are, grey, yellow and white" Tweek says "we don't mind."

Clyde smiles as he hands Craig a small gift bag. It's a soft yellow colour that Craig is sure Bebe must have picked out. It's far too chic for Clyde to have chosen. Inside is a soft yellow material, Craig thinks it might be a blanket. When he pulls it out he realises it's in the shape of a star.

"It's a swaddle," Clyde says with a grin.

"When he's wearing it he'll look like a little star all wrapped up" Bebe says. 

"It's adorable" Craig says "thank you so much."

"It's gonna look so  _ -gah-  _ cute on him" Tweek agrees.

"He's gonna be the s-s-star of our whole group, with so many a-a-aunties and uncles" Jimmy adds in with a smile. 

Ariel begins to fuss in Bebe's arms and Craig can feel pressure in his chest. He needs to nurse. But all of his friends are here, he doesn't want them watching. 

"He needs to eat" he hints to Tweek.

"Oh" Tweek says, awkwardly. 

"Hey, are you feeling kind of tired Craig?" Token asks. Craig loves Token for getting the message. 

"I am," he admits. 

"We're gonna go," Kenny says, catching on too. 

Clyde complains a little but Bebe seems to get it and drags him out by his elbow. 

Craig waits until they're gone completely before lifting up his shirt and letting Ariel latch on. 

"Can I have the pump? Craig asks Tweek.

"Sure" Tweek says "They wouldn't judge you for  _ -ah-  _ nursing around them, you know?"

"I know but I'm still uncomfortable" Craig replies "it's something I want to keep private."

—


	16. New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig is so happy to finally be home. He's happy to be sleeping in his own bed even if he gets up every two hours to feed Ariel. Tweek is still being helpful, he's trying to make sure Craig can rest and heal. Craig and Tweek are just trying to learn how to be parents. So far Tweek has been nailing it in Craig's opinion. So far Craig has been doing all the feeding but Tweek has been changing diapers, getting him dressed, cleaning up spit up. Anything he can do to make Craig's life a bit easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek bring their baby boy home. TW talk of nursing and postpartum changes.

Craig is so happy to finally be home. He's happy to be sleeping in his own bed even if he gets up every two hours to feed Ariel. Tweek is still being helpful, he's trying to make sure Craig can rest and heal. Craig and Tweek are just trying to learn how to be parents. So far Tweek has been nailing it in Craig's opinion. So far Craig has been doing all the feeding but Tweek has been changing diapers, getting him dressed, cleaning up spit up. Anything he can do to make Craig's life a bit easier.

Parenting is hard. Ariel needs them every minute of the day. Craig is very grateful that he has Tweek in a co-parent. If he were on his own he wouldn't get any kind of rest. His mom keeps asking when he'll go back to school but it's just way too early. Craig still needs time to learn how to be a dad. 

Craig has decided to stick with nursing Ariel. It's been difficult in the sense that his body is basically now a feeding device. Ariel himself has no issue latching or feeding but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him sometimes. He worries about not being able to bind but mostly his worries are when things are quiet. Most of his time is taken up caring for Ariel. But when he's alone, when Ariel is sleeping and he is supposed to be sleeping, he worries that maybe he has bitten off more than he can chew. But then Ari cries and he feeds him and he feels okay again. He's pretty sure he's made the correct decision. 

He isn't entirely comfortable with the way he looks now. His chest is probably the worst part but he feels a lot better when feeding Ari or if he pumps. It's not ideal or what he imagined but the positives are outweighing the negatives for him right now. He also has that new parent stomach. It's still swollen, stretched out and jiggly. He knew his body would be affected by his pregnancy but somewhere in the back of his mind he had hoped things would just go straight back to normal. But that's not reality. It's going to be months before he's fully recovered and only then can he start exercising. It frustrates him quite a bit. 

"You don't need to  _ -nnn-  _ worry about that" Tweek tells him when Craig vents his frustration. 

Ariel is currently asleep in his bassinet. Craig and Tweek are watching him, while talking in hushed tones. 

"I know I just feel weird" Craig replies "my stomach is just… nothing close to what it used to be."

"A baby  _ -ah- _ grew in there for nine months and then was just taken out" Tweek points out "it's not going to just magically go back."

"I know" Craig says glumly "I guess I just feel like I'm doing nothing and that's frustrating."

"You're  _ -nghh- _ feeding and caring for a baby" Tweek says "that's way more than nothing." 

"I guess. I guess it's partially dysphoria? Like if maybe I lost some weight I'd feel a little more like myself" Craig tries to explain.

"That could be it, if you don't want to  _ -ah-  _ nurse anymore you don't have to?" Tweek offers him. Craig doesn't think that's the solution, he likes nursing Ari mostly. 

"No I want to. It's just weird, it doesn't feel like my body anymore" he says, it's so hard to articulate. 

"Well, I know that I can't  _ -nghh-  _ change your mind but like I think looking after Ariel is the best thing you can be doing. You're not doing nothing, you're doing amazing and you don't need to put  _ -ah-  _ pressure on yourself to lose weight" Tweek tells him sincerely. 

"I guess I just… I want you to be attracted to me. I know you say you don't care what I look like physically but I don't get how you can like this?" Craig says, gesturing to his body and frowning. 

"I like  _ this  _ as you put it, because it's so strong. You carried and birthed a new life. You pushed your body to the extreme and it did an amazing thing. Every stretch mark, scar or jiggle reminds me of our son and reminds me of how  _ -nnn-  _ incredible you are" Tweek says, pulling in Craig for a hug.

"I don't deserve you" Craig says, voice wobbly with emotion and gratitude. 

"Shhh, it's not about deserving each other. I love you so much and I'm so glad we have our  _ -nghh-  _ son together. I can't wait to see who he grows up to be and I can't wait to experience the rest of my life with you" Tweek says, giving Craig a kiss on his cheek. 

"Thank you Tweek, I think I just really needed to hear that. To remind me that I'm more than my physical body" Craig says, it's hard to get past that sometimes. 

"You're so much more, but for the record, I love your body and if you weren't recovering from surgery I'd totally be wanting to bang" Tweek says with a cheeky smile. "I love you" Tweek tells him.

"I love you too" Craig says, as they break apart as Ari begins to fuss in his bassinet. Craig gets ready to nurse again, it's becoming second nature. 

—

Craig groans as he wakes from an unrestful sleep. It hasn't even been two hours but Ariel is crying again. He feeds every few hours which is normal for a newborn, but shit, if it isn't hard for parents. 

"I'll get him," Tweek says, rolling over and getting out of the bed. Ariel is in his bassinet by their bedside, Tweek gets him easily but he doesn't quiet. At the end of the day Craig is the one with the milk. 

Craig sits up and rubs his eyes blearily. Getting the nursing pillow and his undoing the nursing bra. Then he realises that it's wet. His chest is wet, milk soaked through the bra and his shirt too. The nipple pads he's been wearing have been soaked through and come loose in his sleep. He groans loudly.

"I hate this!" He exclaims. 

"What's the problem?" Tweek asks.

"My shirt is all wet again" he says "sorry I'm just being dramatic."

"If you start  _ -nnn- _ feeding him I'll grab you another shirt… do you want a nursing top too?" Tweek suggests. Craig has no reason to object. 

"I need one. I need new nipple pads too. Ugh, it's so annoying. He cries and everything goes crazy" Craig complains "give him here."

"You're just too good at making milk" Tweek jokes as he hands Ari over to Craig gently. He cries as Craig removes both his shirt and nursing top. Then he brings Ari up to latch, almost as soon as he can, Ari is latched and happily eating. No longer crying. 

"It's not funny Tweek, what if it happens in public?" Craig points out. He loves that his boyfriend is trying to see the funny side and to cheer him up but he's worried. 

"I'm sorry, I know that it's not funny. We can try and  _ -nnn-  _ keep on top of pumping? Maybe that will prevent it from happening in public" Tweek suggests, routing through their drawers to find Craig new clothes. 

"I guess. It'll be so embarrassing if it does" Craig sighs. The leaking is annoying but he doesn't really care if Tweek sees it but the general public, Craig isn't sure he'd handle that. 

"I just… I'm doing the right thing aren't I?" Craig asks "I think I am, it's just sometimes I worry that I've backed myself into a corner."

"How?" Tweek asks, "you mean with nursing?"

"Most of the time I love nursing and am really happy I chose to do it… but sometimes, like now when milk soaked through my shirt and I've had no sleep I think… fuck… what have I got myself into?" Craig admits, shifting Ari from one nipple to another. He makes a few noises of protests before latching again. 

"I think you answered your own question, you say that most of the time you  _ -ah- _ love it and you only doubt yourself when you're stressed out" Tweek says "that's normal, everyone has  _ -nghh-  _ moments like that, maybe not about nursing but people do question and sometimes doubt important decisions."

"You're right, I mean, he's so happy and it makes me so happy to know I'm the one nourishing him. He looks at me like I'm the world" Craig says, looking down at Ari. He never tires of those big eyes staring so lovingly. 

"I know, it's gorgeous. If you want to keep doing this you may have to deal with  _ -hnn- _ leaking in public. And you don't have to like it but I guess you have to be secure enough in yourself to know that it's part of feeding your baby" Tweek suggests, placing a clean shirt and bra next to Craig. He settles in next to Craig on the bed and rubs his back.

"Him being fed is more important to me, I'll have to learn to handle it by myself" Craig says, smiling at his son.

"I'll burp him when you're done" Tweek offers "so you can get your  _ -nnn-  _ clean clothes on without getting baby spit up all over you. And if that's what you want, absolutely. Keep doing whatever feels right." 

"Thanks" Craig says, "I think he's done."

He lifts Ari away from his chest and Ari doesn't seem to mind, so he hands him over to Tweek who begins burping him. Ari makes a few fussy little noises but Tweek doesn't worry, they know he'll be fine once he burps.

Craig feels a lot better to get all of the wet things off. It's a bit gross but he just throws them in the laundry basket. He's not washing them now so late at night. He'll deal with them later. He feels a lot better just to get the area clean, put down fresh pads and get his clothes back on. 

"I feel better," he says.

"I could have held him so you could've done that first" Tweek says.

"I know" Craig says, "and thank you but he'd just keep crying and I could've ended up dirtying my clean clothes feeding him anyway."

"You're a really good dad " Tweek says affectionately "I'm just  _ -ah-  _ crazy impressed with you." 

"I'm just feeding our son" Craig says "it's just what comes naturally."

"Well I'm glad, it just makes me so  _ -nghh-  _ happy knowing Ariel has you. Like I just trust you so implicitly and I know you'll be so great for him" Tweek says "I'm so glad that I'm co-parenting with you."

"Me too babe, all of it. I get to have a child with you, who shares both of our DNA. You're so good with him I'm always in awe and like… I'm just so glad we get to do this together" Craig replies. He means every word too, Tweek is that person for Craig. He's everything and Craig couldn't love him more. Now, and forever. 

"I just  _ -gah-  _ love you so much," Tweek says. 

Craig is about to reply when Ari interrupts their emotional moment with a loud burp.

"Oh, there you go," Tweek says happily. 

"I love you too" Craig says happily as they both love "and I love our son, even if he's gross." 

—


	17. Stir Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig isn't sure he's ready but he feels like he needs to do this. He's gonna go crazy if he doesn't get out of the house and the longer he waits the worse it all gets. He needs to just face his insecurities and do it. So he and Tweek prepare for their first outing with Ariel. They have been going kind of stir crazy in the house. While they love Ariel caring for him can be monotonous and the crying can get frustrated. Craig and Tweek are still running off little sleep but they're trying to get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for talk of nursing and dysphoria.

Craig isn't sure he's ready but he feels like he needs to do this. He's gonna go crazy if he doesn't get out of the house and the longer he waits the worse it all gets. He needs to just face his insecurities and do it. So he and Tweek prepare for their first outing with Ariel. They have been going kind of stir crazy in the house. While they love Ariel caring for him can be monotonous and the crying can get frustrated. Craig and Tweek are still running off little sleep but they're trying to get used to it. 

Craig fusses, trying to make sure they have everything. He doesn't want to be caught out when they're in public with their baby. They're already judged enough being teenage parents, Craig doesn't want to do anything to make people think badly of his parenting. He makes sure they have diapers, wipes, change mat, bottles, pacifiers and spare clothes. He also packs the pump, cover up and extra nipple pads. He just wants to make sure they have everything they need. He needs to feel secure and that they have everything Ariel could possibly want. 

They also try to time it well. They try to wait until Ariel has had a sleep and a feed. They change his diaper before they leave and make sure he's burped and cleaned. They strap him into the stroller and get going. Ariel doesn't cry when put in the stroller but he does look very confused. He hasn't spent much time in his stroller since Craig and Tweek have spent all their time at home. He just looks around, taking in his surroundings and being confused about being in a new place.

They're just going to the mall. The aim is to pick up some groceries and then sit down and have a coffee together at a cafe. Craig knows it's normal for new parents to be nervous but he's terrified. He's worried they won't be as good at parenting as they think they are when in public in front of prying eyes. He's worried Ariel will just scream when confronted with all the new stimuli. He's also worried that any crying will lead to a leak. He's scared that everything will go wrong. 

But he presses onwards, he has to. He can't keep Ariel locked up at home forever. He needs the change of place himself, he needs to do something different than just caring for Ariel at home. Change is scary, but necessary. 

It's only a short walk to the mall. Craig is happy that he's recovered enough from surgery to be able to walk around again. He pushes the stroller and Tweek carries the baby bag. Craig is still taking it easy with the lifting. Ariel coos in the stroller, Craig assumes he's excited to be seeing all these new things. Craig and Tweek are both happy to be feeling the sunshine on their faces. The walk itself is peaceful and wonderful. It's relaxing and goes without incident. Craig almost forgets how nervous he is, until they reach the mall and he's reminded of reality. He has to face people. People who will probably judge his ability to parent. 

He steels himself as they walk in. He thinks Tweek is nervous too but neither of them voice it. They don't really have to at this stage in their relationship. 

Things go well when they're shopping for groceries. Ariel seems to be happy in the stroller and he's not hungry yet. He's just enjoying the world around him. He only begins to fuss once they're sat at the coffee shop. Craig can tell he's hungry but he's not ready to nurse him in public. He brought the cover up just in case but now confronted with the situation he can't do it. 

"He's hungry," Tweek says.

"I can't Tweek, I can't nurse him with people around" Craig says, panicking a little. What if Tweek thinks he's being selfish and mean? What if Tweek is thinking he's a bad parent?

"Well  _ -nnn- _ what are you going to do? We still have the walk home" Tweek asks. This is true, he'll scream the whole way home if he hasn't been fed. That will also draw unwanted attention to them. 

"Um, can I go pump? If there's not enough I'll feed him in the toilet. I just can't do it out in the open like this" Craig suggests, hoping Tweek will go for it. 

"Go pump, I'll try to keep him  _ -ah-  _ occupied" Tweek says with a nod.

"Thank you" Craig says as he finds the pump and bottle before running as quickly as he can towards the toilet. 

Maybe it's because of the crying, or because Craig hasn't had any trouble with his supply but he manages to pump enough milk to keep Ariel happy. He feels weird, stirring in a cubicle in the men's bathroom while pumping milk for his kid but this is who he is. He's a dad, completely committed to caring for his child. Committed to feeding him, he's still a man. Still Ariel's dad, just an unconventional one. He's still him.

He feels much better after pumping and being able to get enough milk to feel the bottle but he knows he has to get back to Ari as quickly as he can. 

When he gets back to the table Tweek is holding a screaming Ari. People all around are looking at them and Craig instantly feels guilty. He gives Ari the bottle and Tweek holds him as he eats. They have been giving Ari the occasional bottle at home so that he'd be used to taking one. Craig is thankful that they did that. 

He feels guilty though. Because Ari just had to go hungry and scream because Craig decided he had to pump. He could've stopped the distress right then and there if he wasn't so anxious about public feeding. If he'd just swallowed his pride and fed his son there he wouldn't have had to just scream in Tweeks arms. 

He feels like he wasn't putting his son first. 

"Stop that" Tweek says, knowing him way too well "stop feeling guilty. You did what was best for  _ -hnn-  _ both of you."

"Thanks," Craig says quietly. He isn't so sure.

—

Craig doesn't want to go, not really but his mom doesn't want them to wait any longer. Craig knows that if he is left to his own devices he would never go back to school. He needs the push, even if he is nervous to go back. At home he knows nobody will judge him, nobody minds if his hair is unwashed or he has milk stains on his shirt. At school people don't have a clue what it's like to be him, they don't get how much effort it takes to care for Ariel. They judge him because teenagers are all about superficial. To them, he's fat and lazy and doing nothing about his appearance. To them he's let himself go, to Craig the baby's needs come first. Craig considers it a win when all Ariel's needs are met. If he looks a little scruffy so what. His baby is happy. 

Kids don't get that. A lot of his peers are naive about how much work having a baby is. Craig was naive before going through it himself. A lot of his peers assume it would be easy.  _ Oh if that was  _ my  _ kid I'd never let myself go.  _ Stuff Craig sometimes thought before it was happening to him. 

But their time is up. His mom wants both him and Tweek back at school and today is the day. Ariel will be going to daycare, which Craig also has anxieties about. If he had the choice he'd stay home, but he doesn't. His mom is footing the bills so he can't bite the hand that feeds him. His mom says they have to go back to school, so they do. 

Craig and Tweek have to drop Ariel off before school. Craig is worried. He's worried Ariel won't be able to cope with being bottle fed all day. Worried that he'll miss them and feel scared and worried that maybe they won't treat Ariel as well as he does. He also worries that he will be judged. That people will think he's giving his kid to someone else to parent because he doesn't care. He doesn't want people thinking he doesn't want or love his kid. 

The daycare worker who takes Ariel is very sympathetic. She probably sees this all the time but for Craig this is his life. Ariel is his baby and handing him over hurts. As they sit in the car, looking at Ariel's empty car seat in the rearview mirror they both shed an emotional tear. They pull themselves together though, they have to. They have a student body to face.

They walked in, holding hands and united. People still stare, but Craig feels a lot better with Tweek by his side. 

The only problem is, Tweek isn't in Craig's first class. It's harder to stay focused and hold his head high without Tweek. At the end of the day, Tweek doesn't have post-baby weight, a scar or a whole new stomach. Tweek is expected to lose weight, bounce back and look like he used to. That's on Craig. It shouldn't be, but it is. 

Instead he thinks about Ari. If Ari is okay at the daycare? Is he enjoying himself? Are they feeding him properly? Is he okay with being bottle fed or is upset because there's no one to nurse him? Craig doesn't want to be here, learning about fractions and other bullshit. He wants to be holding his baby. He wants to nurse him and hold him close like you're supposed to. He doesn't even care if he gets fussy and cries. 

"I wanna go home" he says to Kenny, who is sitting next to him in maths class. 

"You miss Ariel?" Kenny asks sympathetically. 

"Yes. He should be with me" Craig says "I should be looking after him, not some random daycare worker."

"Those guys are trained, you know? They have to go to school before they can work there" Kenny points out.

"I know, sorry I didn't mean to belittle their profession itself just… he's  _ my  _ baby. He should be with me" Craig complains. He knows it's futile but he just misses his baby so much. 

"Yes, I know but it's okay to get help… I mean, what would your future be if you just stayed home with him all day and got no education?" Kenny reminds him. It's all true, Craig just isn't sure how to deal with it. 

"It'd be shit. I know. I'd probably have to get a job because we'd need two incomes and then he'd be in daycare anyway… I just hate this. I just wish I'd waited sometimes" Craig sighs. It's not that he regrets having Ari. He doesn't, he wouldn't give Ari up for anything but he does think about how things would be different if he was older. He could spend more time with Ari, worry less about money and be better prepared, both psychologically and financially. 

"I mean, in an ideal world I'd be a millionaire but you know, reality is what it is" Kenny says with a shrug. 

"I just miss him" Craig replies, not knowing what else he can say.

"I know, and you're allowed to Craig. That's normal but use it to keep yourself focused. Use those feelings to keep yourself on track, that every good grade you get you closer to a better future for your family. Cause you'll be stuck on minimum wage if you leave school now" Kenny says. Craig continues to be surprised by Kenny's depth and maturity. He guesses that comes from having to grow up so quickly, like he did. 

"You're right, thanks for listening to me though. Nobody really understands what I'm going through but you really try" Craig tells him. 

"Of course man, you're my friend and you've just been through a life changing experience. I'm here for you" Kenny replies with a warm smile. 

"Thank you, but I've been off school for a bit now, can you help me with these fractions?" Craig asks. He's behind and he knows it, it's gonna take a lot of work to catch up.

"No problem dude. We can study together to help you catch up if you want?" Kenny offers.

"I'd love to, as long as you're okay with Ariel's company" Craig tells him. 

"Of course, that little dude is so cute" Kenny says with a grin. 

—


	18. Little Weirdo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig could look at Ariel all day. He's a bit of a weirdo, but he's Craig's little weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ariel gets his first shots and Tricia helps Craig through a rough night.

Craig could look at Ariel all day. He's a bit of a weirdo, but he's Craig's little weirdo. Craig is learning that babies are strange and hilarious, even at the newborn stage. Ariel is a helpless little lump that requires constant care but he still finds ways to make Craig laugh. His poop faces are more entertaining to Craig than any movie he's ever watched and while he doesn't enjoy when his baby is crying the cooing and funny faces in between make everything worth it.

Today they're taking him out to get vaccinated. Craig, Tweek and his mom. They have Ariel in the stroller and he's in a very good mood. He's looking around and cooing at the world around him. He's kicking his little legs in excitement every time he sees something he finds interesting. Craig supposes the world is bright and fast moving, which would be interesting to a newborn. Craig is just enjoying watching his son enjoying the world. 

Craig isn't excited to see his son get vaccinated but he is keen for it to be done, then he can take Ariel out a lot more. He might cry seeing his baby in pain today though, but he knows it's a necessary evil. He just hopes the doctor is happy with Ariel's growth progress. 

"We're so boring now" Craig says as they sit in the waiting room "but like, in a good way."

"We're not boring" Tweek says "I'm not  _ -nghh-  _ bored."

"No, I mean other people our age would probably find us boring" Craig explains, kneeling down to Ariel's level in the stroller and showing him a bright coloured toy they have hung off the top. It's kind of like a mobile now but when he gets older he'll be able to grab it and play with it.

"It's not boring to us though, I'm happily entertained by my  _ -nnn- _ baby" Tweek says.

"Your grown ups. You find these things worthwhile because you've had to mature quickly and take on responsibility. Your peers wouldn't get that, they also probably wouldn't understand the intense love you have for him until they have their own" his mom tells them. Which is completely true, if Craig were still an average teenager who didn't get pregnant accidentally he probably wouldn't be yearning for a baby of his own. Not like Bebe does, he's glad fate steered him in this direction though. 

"I'm gonna hope they all wait until they're older though, parenting is hard" Craig replies. He loves Ariel but he doesn't think this is something advisable for teenagers to just take on. 

"No more babies after Ari" his mom chastises "you need to wait until you're much older to have more."

"I don't plan on any more anytime soon" Craig assures her. He doesn't add in the  _ maybe never  _ part of his thought. He isn't ready to have that conversation with Tweek yet.

"Ari is more than enough for now, no more kids til we're like  _ -ah- _ 30" Tweek jokes.

"I can wait that long" Craig agrees "my stomach is still kinda sore."

"Is that normal?" Tweek asks, concerned. 

"It can take up to six weeks to heal superficially from giving birth, it can be up to six months before everything goes completely back to normal" his mom explains "Craig will get there in his own time."

"Ariel and Craig Tucker?" The doctor calls, interrupting their conversation. 

Craig unclips Ariel from his stroller and hoists him up into his arms. The doctor is gonna wanna look at him so he might as well be out of his stroller.

"He's being so  _ -nghh-  _ good today" Tweek comments.

"Take advantage of it while you can," Craig's mom replies.

They follow her down the hall and into her exam room. Ariel snuggles into Craig's chest, it's cute but the moment doesn't last long. The appointment has to begin. 

"So are we getting our shots today?" The doctor asks. She's not doctor Appleby, she's some baby doctor but Craig likes her. She was really nice to him on Ariel's first post-birth checkup. 

"Yes please" Craig says. 

"Even though I'm gonna  _ -gah-  _ cry when he does" Tweek adds.

"It's worth it for a healthy infant" his mom says, nudging Tweek.

"Well" she says "he can have three today if you want to give him all, or only some. The three will protect him against eight different diseases" she explains to them. They already knew this though, as they'd both researched what vaccines he'd need. 

"We want him to have them all" Craig tells her.

"Are you okay to  _ -nghh-  _ hold him, Craig? I'm gonna cry if I do it" Tweek asks Craig. Craig is a little nervous to see Ari in pain, but he doesn't mind holding him. He's the one with the milk, so Ari finds him quite comforting sometimes. 

"Yeah I'll do it" he agrees. 

"Before we vaccinate, let's weigh him, measure him and check his reflexes?" The doctor suggests. Craig thinks that's probably a good idea, while he's still happy. 

Craig watches like a hawk, and assists as she does what she needs to do. Ariel protests a little to being poked and prodded but he doesn't start to lose it. He mostly just looks confused. 

"Everything is looking amazing, well done to the new parents" she says.

"Thanks," Craig says, "we've been doing our best for him. We're young and kinda stupid but we want to be the best parents we can be."

"You've not stupid" she says "you're doing a brilliant job gaking care of this baby. Look how happy he is."

"Part of that is just his temperament I think" Craig replies, not wanting to give himself too much credit. 

"If his needs weren't being met he'd be very upset. Speaking of upset, I think it's time to vaccinate him" she says. Craig picks him up and heads back to the chair they were sitting in. The doctor goes to get the vaccines while Craig props Ari up on his lap and removes his little baby leggings. 

"I can't look," Tweek says worriedly. 

"You're a big baby" Craig replies, but inside he's feeling equally nervous. 

She comes back, ready to go and Craig holds Ariel's chunky little thigh still. Once the first needle is in Ari has a bit of a delayed reaction before beginning to cry. Craig can't do much but hug him and tell him he's okay. 

That's only one down. The second and third needles elicit more crying and Ariel is inconsolable by the third. Craig holds him close once they're done and rocks him. He feels a little like crying himself but he holds it together. 

After a little while Ariel begins to suck and paw at Craig's shirt. He figures it's time to nurse, maybe for the comfort of it or maybe he just made himself hungry from all the crying. Whatever, if it makes him feel better Craig will do it.

"Can I take him to the bathrooms to nurse?" Craig asks the doctor who nods. 

"I'll fix up the bill," his mom tells him.

On his way out he notices Tweek is crying too "it's okay baby" Craig teases.

Tweek nudges him playfully "I hate you, go  _ -nghh-  _ feed our kid" he jokes.

And Craig does. It's not ideal in a public toilet but he thinks he's getting better. Maybe one day he'll be able to do it in a public space. Maybe. 

—

Craig sighs as he gently rocks Ariel. He's been restless for a few hours and Craig has taken on trying to settle him. He wants to nurse but he's on and off and everytime Craig thinks he's done he cries again. Craig wonders if he just wants the comfort at this point. He's the only one who can provide that, so he let's Tweek sleep and handles this himself. 

It's the downside to being the one who makes milk. There's certain jobs and roles only he can fill and Tweek just has to take the backseat. He gets the perks of a special aspect to their bond but also there's also extra work to take on with that. Craig wouldn't change it. He likes being Ariel's main source of food, he likes being able to provide that extra layer of love and comfort. He often let's Tweek bathe Ariel so that he has his own ways to bond. Tweek will be able to do more with him when he's older too. Craig doesn't doubt they will have a strong bond and Tweek will continue to be a hands-on, wonderful father. 

But now he's stuck with a whiny, crying baby. It comes with the job but it doesn't make it any easier. He's tired and he wants to go back to sleep more than anything. He wants to put Ariel down but he won't allow it, he loves Ariel but he's getting really sick of hearing him whine and cry. 

Ariel starts to whine louder and suck at his fist. Craig knows he's hungry, or at least he thinks he is. He sits down on the couch and pulls the nursing pillow placed there onto his lap. He gets Ariel situated on the pillow and gets him in the position to nurse. He takes a couple of tries to latch because he's upset but when he does all tears are forgotten. He gulps away, so Craig guesses that he really is hungry this time and maybe he will fall asleep for real this time. 

He sighs, tired but happy Ariel is being quiet. As he watches his baby eat a figure shuffles into the hallway. He expects it to be Tweek, but it's not. It's Tricia, yawning as she enters the room. 

"I'm sorry" Craig says "have we been keeping you awake?"

"Nah" Tricia replies "I just wanted a drink of water. Sometimes I hear him but tonight he's been fine." 

"Well, still sorry if we ever keep you up, I know you didn't really get a choice in this" Craig says. He made the decision to have Ariel but it affects their entire family. 

"I love being an aunt, it's okay" she says. She heads to the kitchen to get her water while Craig strokes Ariel's hair. 

Tricia comes back into the room after she has had her drink of water, or at least Craig assumes. He expects her to go back to her bedroom but instead she sits down next to him.

"You having some trouble with him?" She asks.

"He's being clingy and just wants to nurse constantly" Craig says "it's hard because Tweek can't do this part."

"That's rough, can he not have a bottle?" 

"He can but right now he wants the comfort of nursing" Craig explains. 

"I don't get how that whole thing works but you seem to know so I'll trust you" she says.

"I just worry that sometimes I'm not doing enough. Like sometimes I get frustrated when he won't sleep or let me put him down… I'm not gonna hurt him or anything but I feel so bad" Craig tries to explain. He wouldn't ever hirt Ariel and never has had urges too but there've been times he's felt frustrated with him. And that in turn makes him feel worse because he's just a tiny baby. He can't help that he's crying and upset. It sometimes makes him feel like a monster. 

"I don't know much about parenting but from what I can tell that's normal. It's dad guilt, or whatever… anyone would get upset if a baby keeps crying… you're allowed to feel frustrated just as long as you don't hurt him or shake him or something" Tricia explains, smiling at him kindly.

"Do you think so?" Craig asks "I love him but I'm always questioning whether I'm a lousy parent… I just want him to have the best life" he tells her. 

"I think the fact that you care so much is a good sign" Tricia encourages "you're always so keen to learn and you seem to be doing everything you can."

"I'm trying," Craig says quietly. 

"I know, and you're doing amazing. Look, in the time we've been worrying he's fallen asleep" Tricia tells him with a smile. 

"Maybe" Craig says "he might wake up when I try to take him off."

"Hopefully" Tricia says "I gotta go to bed, but you're doing well. You're a great dad big bro."

"Thank you" Craig says, smiling as he watches her leave. Her support means more than she'll ever know.

—


	19. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mom, make sure you cuddle him when he's having his bottle. He's used to being nursed so he likes the warmth" Craig tells his mother. She's agreed to watch Ariel while he and Tweek have a date but he's nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig balances school and parenting, while he and Tweek have their first night out without Ariel.

"Mom, make sure you cuddle him when he's having his bottle. He's used to being nursed so he likes the warmth" Craig tells his mother. She's agreed to watch Ariel while he and Tweek have a date but he's nervous. 

"Craig, I raised two babies. I can handle Ariel for one night" she replies with a laugh. 

"I know" he says, he knows she's capable. He's just so worried something might happen and he won't be there to help. 

"I know you can handle him Laura" Tweek says "but can  _ we  _ handle a night without him?" 

" _ That  _ I'm not sure about, we'll have to see," she tells them. She's right really, they're the nervous ones. 

"Thank you though mom, we really appreciate you helping us out" Craig says. 

"It's not a problem, you need to blow off steam a little after having a baby. You'll need it to help keep you sane" she tells them. She's absolutely right, Craig really needs some adult conversation and quality time with his partner. 

"Thank you though" Craig reiterates. 

They're going out tonight for the first time since having Ariel. Craig is definitely nervous, he's also excited because he hasn't had any time with Tweek sans baby in so long. He wants to have adult conversations and goof around. Maybe they can share some deeper kisses without worrying if the baby will begin crying. Maybe they'll do more if everything goes well. Craig's been given the all clear by the doctor and he's healed up well since his c-section. He'd like to be intimate with Tweek again but they just don't really get the chance with Ariel. 

He's happy that he and Tweek have remained happy in their relationship after having a baby so young in less than ideal circumstances. He knows things could still fall apart if they don't work at it. That's why tonight is important, what they're doing is something important for them and making sure they still enjoy one another in their relationship. Craig feels like he's still as in love with Tweek as ever. Seeing him being a dad adds another layer of respect and attraction. 

They're doing the low key drive thru date thing again. Craig likes doing that more than a sit-down restaurant. It's something they can do that reminds them that they're still kids and they get privacy. Maybe that makes him lame or whatever but he likes spending time with Tweek in a low key way. No fancy restaurants, clothes or gifts and flowers. He's a homebody and has completely lost interest in things like partying since having Ariel. He just wants some romantic time with his boyfriend. 

"I'm so excited but so  _ -ah- _ nervous," Tweek says as they drive over to McDonald's. 

"Me too" Craig agrees "I know my mom will do a great job with Ari. I'm just nervous when it's not me or you supervising him."

"It's funny how I don't  _ -nnn- _ blink when he's with you but when it's not us I'm cautious" Tweek observes.

"That's natural I think. We went through this experience together becoming parents… we share DNA. I guess that keeps us connected and I trust you love him exactly like I do" Craig explains. He doesn't really know exactly why either but this is the best idea he has. 

"Yeah, I'm glad we're  _ -ah- _ connected through him. He's like the best of me and the best of you" Tweek says fondly. 

"I hope so, that's what I want him to grow up to be" Craig agrees.

"Well we do our  _ -nghh-  _ best" Tweek replies. 

"We do," Craig says. 

The conversation is interrupted as they pull up at the drive thru window and Tweek orders their usual. What they always used to order before getting pregnant and becoming parents. It makes Craig a little nostalgic. Sometimes at his lower points he wishes he could go back to being a normal teenager but he snaps out of it quickly. He can't imagine a life without Ariel now, even if it is difficult sometimes. 

Tweek pulls over by Stark's Pond and they eat together. Tweek slips his hand into Craig's while they eat. It's a comfortable silence as they watch the moonlight hit the water. 

"I love you," Craig says.

"I love you too," Tweek echoes. 

"This is it for me" Craig says "us, eating McDonalds by Stark's Pond in the car. Us, parenting our baby and living one another. It's everything I've ever wanted in my life."

"Me too. My family is so  _ -nnn-  _ chaotic. I always wanted a stable relationship and to have a loving, happy family" Tweek tells him "maybe it's dumb but early into our relationship I just  _ -hnn-  _ knew you were the one for me."

"I felt sure about you near the beginning too" Craig replies "but I wasn't sure if I was just being a crazy teenager. Having Ariel has deepened everything." 

"Hopefully this keeps going exactly how we  _ -ah-  _ want it too" Tweek agrees "even if Ariel is our only kid, I want us to be that happy family."

"I don't know if I want anymore" Craig says "or I'm not sure I want to  _ birth  _ anymore. If we could get a surrogate or something then I wouldn't mind." 

"That's fair enough" Tweek says "I mean, I think I'd  _ -nnn- _ like more kids but we can wait until we're in a position to pursue a surrogate. I definitely don't want to have more  _ -ah- _ kids when we still need so much help supporting the one we have now."

"Definitely. I want us to be done with school and to have good jobs before we even think about adding to our family" Craig agrees. He's glad Tweek understands how he feels. 

"Just that we  _ have  _ a family though. I'm so  _ -gah-  _ happy about that" Tweek says, grinning. 

"You're so sweet and I love that about you" Craig tells Tweek. 

"I  _ -nghh- _ love you too Craig" Tweek replies. 

"Tonight… do you wanna try and… you know?" Craig says awkwardly. He doesn't quite know how to bring it up smoothly. 

"Uh, only if you  _ -nghh- _ feel up to it…" Tweek fumbles at his reply.

"I think I am," Craig says shyly. 

"Do we have… um, birth control? I don't want another Ariel, as much as we  _ -ah- _ love him" Tweek asks. Craig appreciates how responsible he's being. 

"I have these mini-pill things the doctor gave me and we have condoms" Craig tells him. He's confident they'll get it right this time. 

"You're very prepared" Tweek replies with a laugh. 

"Accidents happen, clearly. I'm not having another baby" Craig responds. 

"Of course, well I guess we should take  _ -nnn-  _ advantage of your mom watching Ari" Tweek agrees. 

"We should. Hurry up and finish so we can get home" Craig says, giggling. 

—

Craig feels like things are starting to get into a rhythm. He's getting better reading Ari's cries and getting him into a routine. He's getting better at juggling school work and his relationship with Tweek is still strong. There's still hard times, but that's part of being alive and having a family. 

He's not exactly happy being back at school and being away from Ari. But he knows it has to be done, he needs an education in order to get a good job to support Ari. That's what helps him stay motivated. 

Today Tweek is working. Tweek has been working at his parents coffee shop again since Ari was born as a means of helping to support them. Craig appreciates it, but he misses Tweek when he's gone. 

He's trying to do his homework and Kenny has come to keep him company and to help him if he is struggling or behind on work. He's so happy that he has friends like Kenny who are willing to help him catch up. He has Ariel in a bouncer next to him, trying to keep him entertained with that and a rattle. It only works sometimes. He's been fed, burped and changed so Craig knows he's just bored and wants attention. He grizzles a little in the bouncer, Craig bites his lip. He needs to get this work done, he's still catching up. 

"Do you understand it?" Kenny asks him.

"I think so, he's just distracting me," Craig replies, gesturing to Ariel.

"Aw, he misses his daddy," Kenny says, grinning.

"I know, I wanna hold him too but I have to get this done" Craig complains. 

"Can I hold him?" Kenny asks, sheepishly. 

"Of course" Craig says "I don't know how good he'll be though."

"Babies like me" Kenny assures him. 

Craig watches as Kenny gets Ariel out of the bouncer. He seems to already know how to hold a baby and Craig catches Ariel flashing him a smile.

"Oh hey there!" Kenny says "you wanna play with uncle Kenny?"

Craig smiles as he turns back to his work. It's kind if nice knowing that Kenny is watching him and they're playing nicely while he is in the room. He likes seeing Ariel interact with people around him. He probably doesn't know Kenny yet but Craig is sure he will with time. Kenny is definitely the most interested in Ariel, besides Bebe, out of his friends at school. Craig can see Kenny being a great dad himself, hopefully just when he is older. It makes him happy to know he has a friend who is good with Ari though. It's kind of comforting. 

Craig is surprised that Ariel isn't crying for him but he's definitely not complaining. Either Kenny has magic baby powers or they just got Ari in a really happy mood. Craig is a little dejected that he's missing out on whatever moments Kenny and Ariel are having but he knows he has shit to do. His homework won't do itself and an opportunity like this presents itself so rarely. Ariel happy to be watched and Kenny happy to watch him. 

"You're getting so big Ariel" Kenny coos at him "your dads are feeding you well."

"It's mostly me let's be real" Craig interjects "but Tweek does most of his baths so we're even."

"Whoever does the feeding, he's eating good," Kenny says. 

"I wonder if he'll notice when I get top surgery?" Craig muses. He's so obsessed with Craig's chest now, hopefully he'll get over it once he's weaned. 

"Well won't he be weaned by then?" Kenny asks, reading Craig's mind. 

"Yeah he'll be weaned. I just wonder if he'll notice the difference" he says, thinking out loud.

"I guess we'll have to see" Kenny replies "it probably won't be a drama to him though."

"Probably not, it's just kind of an interesting thought" Craig shrugs. 

"Kids understand more than you'd think. When he's older and can talk and stuff he'd probably get the concept of being trans" Kenny tells him. Craig thinks he's probably right. 

"I'm just gonna be upfront about it from the get go, so he knows where he came from but that I'm still dad and always will be" he explains. 

"That's probably a good idea, he won't spend his childhood confused if you just tell him" Kenny agrees.

"I mean, I'm not ashamed of it. This is who I am. I'm still his dad, I just decided to have a baby" Craig tells him proudly. 

"Exactly. If you're not ashamed of who you are he won't be either" Kenny replies with a grin. 

"I hope so. It was a weird experience, falling pregnant at sixteen, being trans and having him but he's worth it. I'm really happy that I get to be his dad" Craig tells Kenny. His experience was rough and rewarding all at once. 

"You're doing good but you need to get back to work" Kenny chastises as he tickles Ariel's belly. 

"Okay bossy" Craig replies with a laugh "as long as you keep my baby happy."

—


	20. Security

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig forgot to pump during lunch. It was a rookie mistake, he was having a nice conversation with his friends and he lost track of time. At home he has Ariel to remind him to either pump, or to feed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig makes some realisations about himself and his own self confidence.  
> TW talk of nursing and teenagers being mean.

Craig forgot to pump during lunch. It was a rookie mistake, he was having a nice conversation with his friends and he lost track of time. At home he has Ariel to remind him to either pump, or to feed him. At school he either has to wait until his chest hurts or remind himself. Maybe it's because he has finally begun to relax again. He still spends most of his day thinking about Ari but he has gotten a bit more used to the idea of daycare. He's falling back into a routine. Ariel isn't there to tell him he's hungry so sometimes he has to wait until it hurts.

He had a great time at lunch though. It wasn't anything special, just him and his friends chatting like regular teenagers. Tweek hugging him from behind, just being a normal couple. It was nice, for a second he didn't have any responsibilities and it was a nice little break. A mental holiday if you will. Maybe it was so like how they used to be that that's why Craig forgot. Before Ari there was no reason to be thinking about nursing or keeping up supply for the baby. It's a world he never predicted to be entrenched in. 

It was nice while it lasted but Craig began to regret it by his first class. He felt uncomfortable. The feeling is familiar, he knows he's going to have to pump soon. There's no Ari here to feed so nowhere for the milk to go. He doesn't quite know what to do or how to ask to excuse himself. So he just bites down and grits his teeth. He has this class with Tweek, Tweek hasn't realised that he forgot to pump either but Craig supposes he only remembered because his body is reminding him. He just hopes he can keep it together until the period is over. Or at least until he can ask to go to the bathroom. He has to explain that he needs his bag because he needs to pump. It's a whole mess he doesn't want to get into in front of his classmates. His friends know he nurses ari but he hasn't shared the information with everyone. Especially not people like Cartman who would use that kind of thing against him. He knows he probably should just tell everyone and that Tweek would probably punch anyone who teased him but he just doesn't want to deal with dumb teenage shit. He wants to keep as much of that as he can at home and just try to be as normal as possible at school. It hurts though, and it's getting a lot harder to ignore. 

He knows that he's leaking but so far the nipple pads had been doing their job. It's uncomfortable but his shirt is dry from the outside and that's the thing he cares about the most at the moment. He just tries to focus on finishing his work, maybe if he concentrates really hard on someone else it'll go away. It's kinda dumb, he knows but he doesn't really have another way to get through this. It's history and to be honest it's kind of boring but Craig has never found himself more interested in world history as he is now. He works through his comprehension sheet, patiently waiting for his teacher to get a spare moment. 

"Um, Craig" Tweek whispers from across the table.

"What?" Craig asks, a little annoyed. He's taking his stress out on Tweek. He knows he shouldn't but in the moment he can't help it.

Tweek makes a motion looking down and discreetly points at his own shirt.

Craig looks down at his own shirt where a leak has well and truly sprung. 

" _ Oh shit"  _ he says under his breath.

"You have an  _ -nnn- _ extra shirt don't you?" Tweek asks him, and yes Craig does. He always does, he overprepared for this situation exactly but that doesn't mean he wanted to go through it. 

"Can you… can you go tell Mr Johnson please?" Craig pleads with Tweek, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment "tell him I have to pump please."

Tweek gets up to do what he's told and Craig hugs his bag to his chest to try and cover the damage, it's too late though.

"Guys! Craig is leaking!" Cartman yells accompanied by a mean laugh. 

"He just had a baby you moron" Bebe cuts in. The attention is off him briefly as Bebe and Cartman begin arguing. Craig takes that as his opportunity and just takes off, clutching his backpack tight. He doesn't care if he gets in trouble, he can't stay in there a moment longer. 

He races to the nearest bathrooms, knowing exactly where they are now. Luckily they are unoccupied, so he locks himself in a cubicle and gets to work pumping. He doesn't know how he's supposed to show his face in that classroom again, he doesn't think he's ever been so embarrassed in his life. He tries to hold back hot tears of anger, embarrassment and hurt. This isn't how he planned for his high school experience to go, and it's definitely not how he planned explaining that he's chosen to nurse. He appreciates Bebe sticking up for him but there's going to be detractors, even for every nice person like Bebe or Kenny. 

He's still trying to pull himself together when there's a knock at the door.

"Fuck off!" He yells, voice wobbly. 

"Babe, it's me" Tweek says "I know you're  _ -gah-  _ upset but can I come in?"

Craig sighs and leans forward to unlock the cubicle door. 

" _ You  _ can" he says "nobody else."

"Thanks" Tweek says as he slides in "I'm sorry that happened. But the only person making a  _ -nnn-  _ fuss was Cartman and Bebe shot him down so quick."

"People will talk about me, I know it," he says, another tear running down his cheek.

Tweek leans forward to wipe it away.

"People always talk" he says "people talked when we got together, when you got  _ -gah- _ pregnant, when you had him… but you like your life right?"

Craig nods "I do" he says quietly. 

"Would you give Ariel back?" Tweek asks him, not breaking their eye contact. 

"No" Craig says, that one is a no brainer. 

"And would you take back  _ -ah-  _ nursing him?" Tweek asks again. 

"No, no way" Craig replies, shaking his head. 

"You do the most important job, you feed our baby. What you do? Way more important than  _ -hnn-  _ anything those dumb teenagers are doing" Tweek says lacing his fingers with Craig's. 

"I mean it's important but plenty of the things you do are super important too" Craig says, not wanting to discount Tweeks role in parenting. 

"I know, but I'm trying to impress on you the importance of what  _ you  _ do right now. Those people who talk? Who cares, they don't  _ -ah-  _ matter. Let's see them feed a baby" Tweek says, smiling kindly at him. 

"You're too good to me," Craig says with a small laugh. He presses his forehead against Tweeks for a second, enjoying the closeness between them. 

"I'm exactly the  _ -nnn-  _ right amount of good that you deserve" Tweek says, moving forward a little to kiss his lips. 

"I love you, I'm sorry I freaked out. You're right, it shouldn't matter to me…" Craig says when they break apart. 

"Look, you're allowed to feel what you're feeling just, remember how strong you are aside from that" Tweek comforts him lovingly. 

"Okay, I'll try," Craig says, steeling himself with a nod. 

"That's my Craig. And you know, I love you so  _ -nghh-  _ much. I'll always love you and I'll always be here to support you. No matter what  _ -gah-  _ anybody says" Tweek tells him, resting a hand on Craig's thigh affectionately. 

"Thank you… I'm…. I feel a little better" Craig says. He's not exactly back to himself but things feel a little less hopeless. 

"I'm glad, if you don't want to go back in that's okay but I think it would be a great  _ -nghh-  _ fuck you to your haters" Tweek suggests with a cheeky grin. 

"I'm always down for doing things out of spite," Craig replies, laughing. 

"So you'll come back?" Tweek asks him sincerely. 

"Yeah, just let me get changed first" Craig replies, giving Tweek a quick kiss.

—

Teenagers are fickle and before Craig knows it they've forgotten about the leaking incident. More dramatic things happened that were more interesting to talk about. Cartman shat himself in gym class and there was a rumor that Annie got an STD. And the subjects of these events were giving the student body a reaction, unlike Craig. Craig just held his head high and kept walking, people got bored after a while. It was kind of easy to forget Craig's embarrassing moment when Cartman literally shit his pants from drinking too many energy drinks on a bet with Butters. Craig tried not to laugh too loudly, because being mean makes him kind of a hypocrite but it felt like karma had run its due course. 

Craig is kind of glad the incident happened in a way. It taught him that he doesn't need to care. That the opinions of his fellow high schoolers really don't matter to him. The embarrassing thing happened and his life didn't end. His kid is happy and fed and Craig is happy being the one to feed him. He realises that it doesn't really have to minimise his identity unless he lets it. He knows who he is and he knows what kind of parent he is. He's a good one, and that's what matters. 

Having a partner like Tweek definitely helps his self confidence though. When he gets into a bad feedback loop within his brain he hits the reset button by trying to see what Tweek sees. It can help, along with Tweek always being there to provide support and sharing all Ariel's milestones and first moments with him. He really does feel like they're in it together and that they're a strong family unit. It helps him feel a lot more confident in his choices and in himself. His aloof, uncaring image has kinda been shattered but at this point he couldn't care less. He likes who he is and he doesn't care if people judge. 

He's lucky, he's in a happy relationship with a baby he loves. He's sixteen, he probably shouldn't have such a wonderful family. Teen parent stereotypes tell him he and Tweek should be at each other's throats or worse, Tweek have left him and there be no contact. But that hasn't happened for him, he finds himself more in love with Tweek than ever. The hardships they've gone through have made them closer and stronger. He didn't expect to be the exception to the rule but he supposes almost everything about his pregnancy has been unorthodox from the get go. 

Craig doesn't know what their future will necessarily be, but they're strong. He thinks they'll always be a family and he hopes they'll always be happy together. He knows they'll need to work for it but only the most important things are worth fighting for. Craig is ready to fight. 

He smiles as he watches Tweek with Ari. Tweek is changing a diaper. Something he's always done since Ari was born. He and Tweek try to divvy up that responsibility equally but he's grateful that he has a partner who is willing to do his fair share. Tweek tickles Ariel's belly after getting the diaper secured. Ari giggles with such genuine happiness that Craig feels like his heart will explode. Tweek is laughing too and Craig just loves watching them together. Ariel's laugh is Craig's favourite sound, but it's even better when Tweek is the one causing it.

"I love how much you guys love each other" Craig says happily as Tweek lifts Ari into his arms.

He blows a raspberry on Ari's belly to earn another shrieking, happy bout of laughter. 

"He's my son," Tweek says.

"Obviously" Craig replies "but so many teen dads flake or walk out."

"I'm not every teen dad" Tweek points out "and  _ -nnn-  _ neither are you."

"You're right," Craig agrees, "but he grew in my belly, I went through pain to birth him… it's harder for me to run away from that."

"I guess. I'm not a saint for  _ -nghh- _ loving my son and doing my part caring for him" Tweek tells him. He's right, fathers should be active in raising their kids but the bar has been set so low. Craig is surprised when his partner goes above and beyond. 

"You're a great dad, that's what matters," Craig says. 

"Thanks, he's my son and even before he was born I  _ -hnn- _ knew he was a part of me. I'm just lucky the other piece gets to be you" he says sincerely. 

"There's no one else I'd rather go on this ride with" Craig says, smiling.

Ari looks at him with his big brown eyes and smiles back. 

—

Craig finds it weird to be back in the place that caused such panic only weeks before. But it's the mall, it's a place they have to go to get diapers, groceries or new clothes for Ari when he outgrows his current ones. He can't never go back even if he had such a bad experience last time.

It was weeks ago but he feels he's grown, even in this short time. He's only been a parent for three months but he's changed so much. Even just in the last few weeks he's really come into his own and felt more confident in his own abilities. He knows he's a good dad to Ari and despite his decision to carry him, to give birth to him and to nurse him he is still very much Ariel's dad. He doesn't need anyone else's opinion on his decisions or his parenting. 

Ari is in the last stages of the newborn phase, soon he will be considered an infant. Craig can't believe how much he's grown in these first few months. He's more aware of his surroundings now, he's gotten physically bigger and he's finding his voice more and more. He's no longer the helpless lump he was when he was first born. His personality reveals itself more and more each day. 

Ari plays with a rattle in his stroller, cooing and giggling at no one in particular. Every now and then Tweek sticks his head in to check on him, earning more giggles and smiles while Craig pushes the stroller. He likes being outside and Craig feels like it's selfish of him to put his own anxieties before Ariel's own happiness. He doesn't stay inside and hide anymore. He takes Ariel to the park, to the skate park to watch Tweek skate, to the shops or just wherever he thinks Ariel might like to go. If he needs to run an errand he takes him, Ariel needs to see the word. 

Today they're picking up diapers and formula like they normally would but for the first time in a while Craig feels comfortable out openly as a parent in a public place. He doesn't feel worried that people might stare or that people are questioning who he is and his decisions. He doesn't care. All he cares about is Ariel enjoying his day out and seeing the world through his eyes. 

They're actually going to try and stay this time. To have a coffee together and spend time as a family. Because normally they're in and out as fast as possible not wanting to spend more time than they need to. Mostly because of Craig's anxieties but now he feels he needs to try and get through these so they can do more things together as a family. 

They do the grocery shopping part quickly. Not because Craig is worried people will stare at them but because they want to take advantage of Ariel's good mood. Eventually he will get fussy, tired and hungry and they would rather do the shopping before that occurs. They take their time after, sitting down and ordering coffee and some toast for them. Craig hasn't decided when they will start introducing solids to Ari but he knows definitely not yet. Milk is all Ari needs and Craig will keep providing that for him. 

"How do you feel?" Tweek asks him "being  _ -ah-  _ back here."

"I'm okay" Craig replies "I feel like mentally I turned a corner after I had that leak at school. I don't… care as much anymore. I realised how little other people matter."

"That's good" Tweek says "I feel like you're  _ -nnn-  _ starting to see in yourself what I see and I'm so  _ -gah-  _ proud of you. You deserve to feel confident and happy."

"I think I also see myself through Ariel's eyes. He sees me… and you also, as his entire world and that just makes me feel so happy. I want to be who he thinks I am" Craig explains.

"You are" Tweek says with a grin "you really, really are."

"I guess one way he sees me is a milk machine and I'm most definitely achieving that" Craig jokes.

"Don't  _ -gah-  _ downplay this Craig" Tweek tells him "he loves you deeply."

"We  _ all  _ love each other" Craig agrees.

Craig sips at his coffee but he doesn't get long before Ari starts to fuss. He's sucking on his fingers and Craig can tell he's hungry.

"Do you want to go  _ -ah-  _ pump?" Tweek asks him.

Craig looks around him. Nobody is watching, nobody cares. The world moves along, with or without him. Nothing will happen if he confuses some people. His son needs to be fed. He's hungry and he likes to be nursed the best. Who is Craig to deny him? 

"No" Craig says, earning a shocked look from Tweek "I'll just feed him here." 

"Are you sure?" Tweek asks as Ari's whines grow more insistent. 

"Completely" Craig says "can you get him for me while I sort myself out?" 

"Yeah, sure" Tweek replies, even though he's clearly shocked that Craig has made this choice. Not judgemental, just shocked.

Tweek unclips Ari from his stroller, picks him up and brings him round to Craig's side of the table. Craig takes Ari from him and lays Ari in his lap. He positions Ari easily, a nursing pro by now.

"Can you grab the cover up? It's in the bottom of the stroller" Craig asks Tweek. Tweek quickly does what is asked of him, clearly wanting to make Craig as comfortable as possible. 

This is a big step but Craig isn't going to go crazy. He's going to use the cover up but it's for himself, not for anyone else. He lifts the covering a little so that he can see Ariel. He looks up at Craig as he eats. When they make eye contact he pauses sucking and smiles at Craig. He then gives Craig the most pure and happy giggle. Craig knows then and there that everything is right with the world. Ari loves nursing, Craig loves seeing Ari fed and happy. This is how it was supposed to be, for them.

They're always going to be a little different from the classical nuclear family. But Craig doesn't want to be normal. He wants to be happy, with Tweek and with Ari. He can be himself, all of himself around his family and that's what matters. 

"I think I'll actually miss nursing once he's older," Craig remarks. He never thought those words would pass his lips. But here he is, saying them like they're the most natural thing in the world.

"The bond you guys have is  _ -nghh-  _ beautiful" Tweek agrees.

"Maybe I'll do this again" Craig wonders out loud "maybe when we're older."

  
"As long as I'm  _ -ah- _ with you" Tweek says "that's my family." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this! I appreciate it so much and I hope you enjoyed coming on this journey with me :)

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


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